


Wayward Hearts

by CassieWinchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angry Castiel, Angst, Anna is a jerk, Castiel Has Panic Attacks, Charlie and Claire are friends, Dean Has Nightmares, Eventual Smut, Family Drama, Funny, Funny Dean, Homeless Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Castiel, POV Dean, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Relationship Problems, Sadness, Sick Castiel, Teasing, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Verbal Abuse, beautiful music, fluffy fluff!, jelous Castiel, winter in New York
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2018-12-09 22:26:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 42,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11678337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassieWinchester/pseuds/CassieWinchester
Summary: Against all odds, Castiel Novak has made it to New York and gotten accepted into Julliard to fulfill his dream in being a world famous composer; but his aunt Naomi won't leave him alone; good thing there are good friends to pick him up and take him to a concert with gorgeous lead singers. ;)





	1. City Of Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was totally and utterly inspired by the movie August Rush and I hope you enjoy it!

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/30874965407/in/dateposted/)

Castiel pulled the bow across the strings of his cello, letting himself get carried away in the world of the music. He closed his eyes with a soft sigh. The arpeggios of Bach's Cello Suite No. 1 in G major sounded like soft golden rays of sun falling over a field of wildflowers dancing in the sweet summer breeze. It was one of his favorite pieces to play. The soft steady patter of the late August rain against his window seemed to add a soft beat to the song. All too soon his reverie was interrupted by the harsh ringing of his phone. He jumped causing his right hand to push the bow too hard; and he winced at the rough grating sound that resulted.

He opened his eyes and set his bow on the stand in front of him. He reached for his phone on the small table by him and checked to see who was calling. He groaned in despair; it was his aunt. Not that he was surprised. This was the fourth time she had tried to call him today; he had just been conveniently ignoring her. She was always sticking her nose where it didn’t belong and had always been deeply invested in what his family was doing. If he didn’t answer it now he was afraid she might take a plane to New York herself; he wouldn’t put it past her. With a steadying breath he picked up the phone.

“Hello Aunt Naomi.” He greeted unenthusiastically.

“THERE you are! You do realize I have been trying to call you ALL DAY, do you not?” Her stern angry voice filled the phone, making him momentarily hold the phone away from his ear.

“Sorry, I’ve been really busy.” 

“Don’t waste your breath, I know when you are lying Castiel. Anyway I didn’t call to talk about how “busy” you are; I want to know why.”

“Why?” Cass replied in a tired voice.

“How could you do this! After all the effort your dad and I put in to make sure all you boys could go to med school and become prominent members of society, to make a difference in the world, and you up and run away to play pretend games?” Cass felt hot anger rising up in his face.

“I was accepted into Julliard Naomi; I wouldn’t exactly call that pretend.” 

She then went on to rant about how disappointed she was in him and how he was the black sheep of the family.

“Why, because I didn’t go to med school like a good little boy? Because I wanted to follow my dreams?” He spat in anger.

“Because, ever since you decided to become a selfish cock sucking faggot, you have been incapable of thinking of anyone but yourself.” She spat.

Cass froze, trying to comprehend what she just said to him. When he was 16 he finally decided to come out and tell his family that he was gay. Being a devout Roman Catholic family, you could imagine how well that went over; but that was the day he decided he needed to stop being a puppet and start living for what he wanted, not what his dad and aunt wanted. Naomi had taken every chance she could get to remind him that he was a good for nothing loser after that, but she had never been so harsh before and he was so shocked he couldn’t even reply.

“Oh, but don’t think about me.” She went on. “Think about how disappointed your father is with you. He’s heartbroken, of course you know that.”

Cass swallowed the lump building in his throat. His dad had indeed been very disappointed when he came out and decided to move to New York. He would never forget the sad look he had given him as he had walked out the door.

“I-I know, it’s just-“ But she cut him off.

“A musician is no career, we both know that. It definitely won’t bring in money. But I’m not too worried about it; you’ll run out of money and come crawling home like the prodigal son you are.” and with that the line went dead. 

He sat frozen in place for at least a full minute before putting the phone and his cello down carefully. Mixed feelings swirled around in him as he got up and went to the kitchen to try and distract himself. He was tense as he put a pan of water on the stove top to boil and dumped a handful of spaghetti noodles in to cook. He willed himself not to cry; Naomi was not worth crying over.

But he loved his father; all he had ever wanted was his approval, and because he was trying to be true to himself, he didn’t even have that anymore. He stood staring into the now boiling pot, his feelings threatening to overwhelm him. He was so lost in thought that he didn’t notice the water boiling over. Just as that happened his tears boiled over as well, running freely down his face. He rushed to turn the stove down and wipe his face on his sleeve at the same time. 

Leaning against the counter top and cursing himself, he looked around at his tiny studio apt nestled in the heart of New York city and for the thousandth time that week, tried to convince himself that he could do this. He would prove everyone wrong and make a life and a career here out of his music. Despite his attempts to reassure himself, the tears refused to stop coming, just as the rain outside refused to stop pounding against the window; seeming to give sound to the hopelessness and despair inside of him.

***

“Cass, we’re over here!” The bright shrill voice that belonged to Castiels friend, Charlie, rang through the mess hall of Julliard. Cass saw her flagging him down in the far corner of the room, a charming smile plastered to her face. He made his way over to the table to sit with the two friends he had made here.

“Hello Charlie, Claire.” He nodded to both of them as he sat down. Charlie was a bright eyed red head who seemed to be always smiling. She was a 2nd year, studying piano pedagogy, and was probably the most social person he had ever met. He had been driven to be her friend because of the way she openly flaunted that she was a lesbian; and he found that to be very admirable in a person.

“So how is your rhapsody assignment going? Can I see yet?” She asked excitedly.

“It’s far from finished. I’m stuck on the third section, and I don’t even know if I actually like any of it to tell you the truth.”

“Castiel, always so modest.” Claire spoke up. “We all know you’re the top student in your class.” She smirked and elbowed him, making the bite of corn that was halfway to his mouth fall in his potatoes. She was a first year studying the violin; a spunky blonde with an attitude. She had no filter and tended to speak her mind, and Castiel had found himself pulling her from multiple situations way over her head ever since he had gotten here. She reminded him a bit of his little sister, Hannah, and felt an odd sense of responsibility for the small girl.

“I wouldn’t say that; you two are just as wonderful.” Claire rolled her eyes.

“Hey, did that job at the convenience store I referred to you work out?” Charlie asked through a mouthful of mashed potatoes. Cass took a big bite himself to delay his answer. It had now been about one month since he had arrived, and he felt like he was finally getting the hang of things; having the support of two new found friends helped as well. He still hadn’t found a job, so money was definitely tight, but that problem would be solved with time, he was sure.

“No, but I’m sure something will come along.” He tried to sound positive, but he must have failed, because they gave each other a knowing look.

“I know what your problem is.” Claire spoke up.

He looked at her, once again unable to answer due to a mouth full of food. 

“One month in the big NYC and you haven’t even been anywhere yet.”

Cass swallowed, chuckling a bit. “What are you talking about, of course I have, I’ve been here haven’t I?”

Charlie sighed. “Besides here and your apt. Cass.” He opened his mouth to protest but she beat him to it. “the library doesn’t count either.”

“She means somewhere for entertainment; you need to go have fun! Maybe meet a few guys!” 

“I’m not really interested in dating right now, and the library is entertaining. They have a very impressive collection.” Castiel countered.  
Charlie and Claire both face palmed it. 

“That’s it. It’s Friday night, there’s a full moon out tonight and we’re taking you to a concert.” Claire spoke.

“I didn’t think any orchestra was performing tonight.” Castiel mused, lifting his glass of water to his lips.

“No, a rock concert.” Castiel choked on his water, sending him into a small coughing fit. Charlie helpfully slapped him on the back a few times.

“What?” He rasped after he could talk again. “You mean with all the noise and the people screaming? No way!”

“Too late; it’s already been decided.” Charlie smiled, and held up three tickets in her hand.

“You bought me a ticket!? Charlie, those are expensive!” 

“Exactly, so you better come with us.” Claire spoke up with a grin. Unfortunately Cass couldn’t really protest that one. He couldn’t let a perfectly good ticket go to waste.

He sighed in defeat. “What time should I be ready?”


	2. Silence Is Golden, But Music Is Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel swallowed heavily; he couldn’t remember the last time he had checked someone out like that. And his voice. He couldn’t even really describe it if his life depended on it. It was rough yet honest, shy but plain; laid out where everyone could see, with more soul in one note than anything he had ever heard before. He had to keep reminding himself to breathe. He knew there were at least 100 people around him, but all he could really hear and see was Dean.

The beginning of September…

So that was how Castiel found himself at the Wild Rover Pub going to a small rock concert. He sat in the back of Charlie’s 2001 Porsche boxter, nervously fiddling with his tie. Charlie was driving and Claire had called shotgun. He cleared his throat. 

“Charlie, are you sure that this is a good idea? I’ve heart that these things can permanently damage your hearing.” 

“That’s what makes it fun!” Claire laughed, singing along to the radio. Castiel frowned; he didn’t see how permanent hearing loss was supposed to be fun, but it was too late to back out now.

They got there and all climbed out of the car, Claire linking arms with Cass. “What are you wearing?” Charlie asked, as they walked across the parking lot. 

“Um, clothes?” He responded, glancing down at his white shirt and tie under his beige trench coat. 

“Buddy, we’ve got a lot to teach you.” Charlie sighed, linking arms with Claire. 

As they entered the bar Cass was hit by the smell of body odor, heat, and alcohol. It took all of his self control to not turn and run. He didn’t like being in large crowds; it did a number on his anxiety, and he hoped he wouldn’t have a panic attack right here and now. He didn’t want to ruin his friends night. As Charlie and Claire chatted with people, he stood awkwardly nearby. If his family knew what he was doing…well Aunt Naomi would probably have a coronary right then and there.

He looked up, reading the bold lettering on the banner above the stage. “Wayward Pie.” He said out loud. “What an odd name.” Just then his friends came bouncing back to him. 

“Just wait till you see the lead singer; all these guys are good, but Dean’s by far the best.” Claire was saying, practically shaking in excitement. Charlie offered him a beer, which he politely turned down. He had never had a drink in his life and didn’t really have the desire; especially because he already felt a bit nauseated at the smell.

“There’s two pretty hot babes as well.” Charlie added, taking a drink.

There was flurry of lights and the music intensified as the curtain opened to reveal the Wayward Pie band. He couldn’t get a good look at any of them; they were too far in the back. The band opened with a roaring rendition of Renegade by Styx. The lead singer caught his attention almost as once. “That must be Dean.” He thought. He could definitely tell what Claire was talking about. He was completely gorgeous and Cass found himself mesmerized by him.

The lighting hid a lot of the features Cass wished he could see, but he had short brown hair that was spiked in the front, reminding him of a hedgehog. He had a very well fit figure, his orange plaid shirt fit well and snug, revealing the slight budging of his biceps as he gripped the mic. His pants were nice at tight, showing off his well rounded ass. 

Castiel swallowed heavily; he couldn’t remember the last time he had checked someone out like that. And his voice. He couldn’t even really describe it if his life depended on it. It was rough yet honest, shy but plain; laid out where everyone could see, with more soul in one note than anything he had ever heard before. He had to keep reminding himself to breathe. He knew there were at least 100 people around him, but all he could really hear and see was Dean. Then the song ended and they introduced the band. There were five people in all, and in the course of the evening they highlighted each one.

Benny, lead guitarist and 2nd singer ,Jo, a spunky looking blonde haired girl on drums, Adam on bass guitar, and Anna on keyboard and voice. As they went through each song, all he could really pay attention to was Dean though. His wide smile showing off his white teeth; his laugh that he put his whole body into, he was afraid to blink in case he missed anything.

His heart fell a little as Dean announced that he and Anna were officially in a relationship. He couldn’t help feel a tad jealous as Dean dipped her and planted a deep kiss to her lips. They sang songs including American Pie, Back in Black, and Sweet Home Alabama. Then Dean did a solo, singing “Simple Man" by Lynrd Sknyrd, And the whole mood of the concert changed. It grew quiet as he effortlessly plucked at the strings and got a far away, almost pained look on his face. Cass wondered what deeper meaning there was behind those words, and didn’t realize he was crying until he felt the wet on his cheeks. 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/44901623155/in/dateposted/)

It was over before he knew it and he found himself secretly begging for more. As Dean thanked everyone for coming there gazes momentarily met, and he could’ve sworn that time stood still; and then Dean looked away and he could breathe again.

“UGH that was SO GOOD!” Claire squealed as they walked back to the car. Charlie nudged Cass in the shoulder. 

“Well, YOU were definitely enjoying yourself.” She smirked. Cass felt the color rise in his cheeks. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I saw you checking Dean out, don’t deny it sugar. You got the hots for him bad.” 

“I do not! He’s simply…very…talented.” He stuttered, trailing off as his heart started to race in panic. He knew she meant well, but he still got nervous when someone brought up his attraction to men. 

Charlie stopped and grabbed his shoulders, looking him in the eyes. “Hey Cass; it’s ok, remember?” She reassured. Cass stared at her for a second and then smiled shyly. 

“He was drop dead gorgeous.” 

Charlie smiled. “That’s my boy.” 

As Castiel got home that night he couldn’t help but think the night was definitely not a total waste after all. He wondered when the next concert of the Wayward Pie was and wished he had the money to go to every single one of them. Maybe sit closer so he could actually get a good look at Dean. For the first time since he got to New York he fell asleep with a smile on his face.


	3. My Hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beard man laughed, a husky sickly sound. “You’re outnumbered princess.” Cass tried to get up only to find that his right ankle wouldn’t hold him. He crumpled on the pavement, cradling his wrist, praying that it wasn’t broken. He hoped his savior had called the police; no way could he win, it was three against one. But before he knew it the three that had mugged him lay unconscious on the ground and the man who had saved him was crouching down beside him.

Castiel was walking to his apartment down the dimly lit streets of Columbus Ave. He clutched his bag, nervously whistling to himself and wondering why he let himself get into these situations. He had had to stay late at school for practice, and had totally lost track of time. It was now 1am, all the buses had stopped running, forcing him to stay the night at school or walk the 6 blocks to his place. 

He cursed himself for carrying his wallet with him; especially because it had the 1,000 dollars in cash for his rent that was due the next day. He tried reassuring himself; he was already halfway there. He’d be fine, as long as he walked with purpose and confidence. 

“Should’ve called Charlie for a ride.” He thought; but he hadn’t wanted to wake her. He had a concert the following evening, so his mind was preoccupied with that. And there was also the hard fact that the money he carried with him was the last of what he had. And he still had yet to find a job. Worries and concerns were swimming around in his head like a whirlpool, and he was so distracted he didn’t see the two figures following him. His thought had wandered back to Dean for what felt like the hundredth time that day when a hand appeared out of nowhere, grabbing him by the mouth and dragging him into the nearest dark alley.

Two sets of firm hands held him on both sides, and another figure stepped close to his face. He had long scraggly hair and a beard, and his breath smelled heavily of tobacco; but the thing that he was most concerned about was the shiny knife that was being pressed to his cheek. 

“Now.” The man rasped. “Just give us what you got and no one will get hurt, okay pretty boy?” The hand was removed from his mouth and he felt the knife break his skin, causing a trickle of hot blood to run down his chin.

“Please.” He whispered. “It’s all I have; I’ll be kicked out.” It was all he could manage to get out.

“You should’ve thought of that before walking these streets!” The bearded man said angrily. Hot pain sliced across his face and then the breath was completely knocked out of him as the man’s fist sunk deep into his gut. He still managed to keep hold of his bag though.

“I-can’t let-you have this!” He gasped kicking the bearded man where it counts. The two men holding him threw him roughly on the ground and started kicking him. He successfully managed to trip one of them but when he tried getting up the other man slammed his foot down on his ankle and punched him hard in the face. The other one climbed to his feet and tried to grab his bag, but he desperately still hung on. He was NOT going back home like Naomi had predicted. He wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. 

Then the bearded man grabbed the wrist holding his bag, his left wrist. “NO!” Cass yelled as the man twisted his hand, making him drop the bag and sending a bolt of pain up his arm. 

“Hey Asshats!” A gruff voice yelled, stopping them all in their tracks. Someone else had joined them in the alley, but Cass couldn’t see who.

“Get outta here, this don’t concern you punk.” The bearded man snarled.

“I think It’s you who should get out of here; better drop that bag and go.” The man replied calmly. Cass had heard that voice before, but where? 

Beard man laughed, a husky sickly sound. “You’re outnumbered princess.” Cass tried to get up only to find that his right ankle wouldn’t hold him. He crumpled on the pavement, cradling his wrist, praying that it wasn’t broken. He hoped his savior had called the police; no way could he win, it was three against one. But before he knew it the three that had mugged him lay unconscious on the ground and the man who had saved him was crouching down beside him.

“You ok?” He said, handing him his bag. Cass looked to see who it was and froze; it was Dean. And he was definitely close enough now to see details. Candy apple green eyes shown with concern in the faint light of a streetlamp, and freckles dotted his face. Gorgeous pink lips were tainted by a large cut, and he had numerous bruises on his knuckles and arms; but it was him. 

“Lemme see your wrist.” Dean spoke, grabbing his arm to inspect the wound.

“I-thank you.” Cass finally got out. Dean said nothing. 

“I don’t think it’s broken, just sprained.” All at once the gravity of the situation hit him full in the face. His wrist, he wouldn’t be able to play with it like this. Dean was saying something but he couldn’t hear it over the buzzing in his ears. What did this mean? Would he fail his classes because he failed to perform? And he surely was going to be kicked out of his apartment. He wouldn’t have enough money for next month’s rent even if he found a job tomorrow. He imagined going back home. His aunt laughing at him; his dad just disappointed, and it was too much. 

The ringing in his ears intensified and his chest constricted painfully. He doubled over and sobbed into the pavement, losing control of himself completely. He couldn’t move, he could barely breathe, he was deep deep under water and he didn’t know which was way up. The sounds of the city were muffled like he had ear plugs in, and he couldn’t have said anything if he wanted to. He was at the mercy of his feelings. He felt strong hands gripping him and slowly became aware that he was pressed against Deans chest.

“C’mon, breathe with me; you got this. You can get through this.” He managed to focus all of his being on that voice and slowly was able to even out his breathing by matching it with Deans. “That’s it; you got this; You’re going to be fine Sammy.” He briefly wondered about Dean calling him by the name of Sammy, but had to focus. It had been a long time since he had a panic attack this bad.

“I-I’m ok.” He stuttered, still shaking and trying to even out his breathing. He closed his eyes to block out the scene in front of him of his attackers, just in case it sent him over the edge again.

“What can I do to help?” Dean asked.

“Home.” He managed.

“Can do; can you stand?” Cass shook his head, keeping his eyes shut.

“Alrighty; you don’t look too heavy, but we’ll find out; looks can be deceiving.” Cass found himself being swept up into Deans arms like he was a helpless little girl. He was still too out of it to fully comprehend the situation though. He knew he was set in the front seat of a car and he barely got out where to go to get to his apt. By then he had mostly pulled himself together and realized that he had just had his worst panic attack in front of the one person he had ever had any sort of romantic feelings towards. 

“Oh my-Dean I’m so sorry.” He apologized, looking down at his wrist as they pulled up to his building. 

“Don’t think about that now.” Dean replied, getting out of the car and again, picking him up like he was nothing. 

“I can manage.” He said in a small voice, heat rising in his cheeks. His face was mere inches away from those beautiful plush lips. He felt a warm puff of air on his face as Dean chuckled.

“It’s faster this way.” They climbed the stairs to the third floor and he told him where his keys were in his bag. He wondered if he should be giving any of this information to a complete stranger, but if he had bad intentions wouldn’t he have already carried them out? It was too late now anyway; he had no choice but to trust this Dean fellow. 

Dean set him on the couch and asked if he had any bandages. He directed him to the closet where he kept an emergency first aid kit. “Jackpot.” Dean said victoriously as he pulled out a roll of bandage wrap. He was so calm and nonchalant about all of this, it made Cass quite perplexed.

“So, I guess I should ask you your name.” Dean said as he wrapped Cass’s wrist in the bandages with a skilled hand. 

“Castiel. Castiel Novak.” 

“mm, that’s a pretty badass name Castiel.” Dean replied, sounding impressed. 

“You’re probably wondering how I know you name.” Cass realized. Dean smiled.

“Naw, I saw you at the concert the other night. You’re a fan of mine, right? Well either me or Benny.” Cass nodded.

“Ah man, it’s Benny? Too bad!” He chuckled.

“N-no, it’s you. You are a very talented musician and I really enjoyed your performance. Especially your solo.” Dean stopped and looked up at him, a thoughtful expression on his face. 

“Well thanks Cass; can I call you Cass?” He asked, finishing up his wrist. “There; I think you’ll live. Now that ankle looks pretty swollen as well; let’s get some ice on these babies and get this ankle wrapped up.” He only had one ice pack so they used a bag of frozen peas as a makeshift for his wrist. After he had taken care of the cut on his cheek also he tried another apology.

“I’m sorry Dean, I haven’t had a panic attack like that in so long, and it must have been really disconcerting for you.” Dean plopped himself down on the couch next to him, and Cass was hyper aware of how close they were. 

“It’s all good. Actually it was kind of refreshing.”

“Refreshing?”

“Yea, my little brother used to have them all the time, so I’m kind of experienced in that kind of thing.”

“Is his name Sammy?” Castiel guessed.

Dean looked sharply at him, stiffening. “How do you know that?”

“That’s what you called me; when I was trying to breathe.” Dean relaxed.

“Oh; I didn’t notice.” He muttered. There was a silence. “Sam; his name was Sam.”

“Was?” Cass inquired noting the past tense. 

“He died when I was 16, drowned.”

“I’m sorry for your loss Dean; and I’m sorry if any of this brought up unpleasant memories for you.” Dean smiled softly at him. 

“What?” 

“You’re just so formal; I’m not used to it.” 

“I’m sor-“

“Dude, you don’t need to apologize for being polite.” Dean cut in with a chuckle. All the sudden AC/DC’s back in black rang out through the air, making Cass jump and causing both his ice packs to fall off.

“Shit, sorry; that’s my phone.” Dean apologized, grabbing it from his pocket. He looked at it and sighed. “I gotta take this.” He put it to his ear reluctantly. “Hey babe. Yea sorry, had to help a friend; I’ll be home in a jiff. Love ya too, bye.”

“That was Anna right?” Cass tried to look like it was hard for him to remember her name. 

“Yea; she freaks out if I’m not home one minute before I said I’d be home. She doesn’t even live with me; I don’t know how she knows that I’m not home.” He sighed.

“But you love her.”

Dean gave him another inquisitive look. “I guess so, yea.” Another silence as Cass put the ice bags on the coffee table, the only sound the shifting of the melting particles inside of them. 

“Hey, you gonna be ok? You can’t walk like that. Do you need me to get you crutches or something?” Cass pushed all of his worries to the back of his mind and forced a smile.

“I’ll be fine; I have some friends I can call.” After a moment Dean nodded.

“Well, like I said; it’s actually kind of refreshing to be able to –you know- take care of someone. So do you want my number? In case your friends are busy I could help out in any way you need.”

“Oh. Uh-sure.” Castiel stuttered in surprise, pulling out his phone. After they exchanged numbers Dean left and Cass was alone with his thoughts. If he didn’t know any better he would think that Dean had felt something for him, the looks he was giving him. But he quickly pushed those thoughts away. Dean had a girlfriend. He had said himself that the reason he wanted to help was because it reminded him of his little brother. Brotherly love was not the same as romantic love. Besides he had bigger problems to deal with; like the fact that he couldn’t play in the concert tomorrow, or that he couldn’t drive because his right ankle was sprained; or that he was broke. He laid his head back on the couch with a sigh, wondering what in the world he was going to do.


	4. Stranger In A Trench Coat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As he was sending them all off for the night, his gaze froze on one person at the very back of the room. He wasn’t sure why he caught his attention at first; he could barely see the guy after all. Maybe because he was standing still and silent, his eyes fixed steadily on Dean. It was a stark contrast from everyone else who were jumping and shouting and he found himself holding the man’s steady blue gaze.

Back to the start of September…

Dean Winchester was currently deep in thought. He sat slouched on a couch with a bottle of beer in his right hand, leaning his head back. He could hear the bustle of the people that had come to hear his band, hear him, play; there excitement was palpable. But his mind was far from the concert. 

“Hey sweetheart, what are you doing in here all by yourself?” His girlfriend, Anna, came into the greenroom and sunk down next to him on the couch. She was small and petite, with flaming red hair and blue eyes. 

“Just tired I guess.” Dean half lied. He was tired, but not physically. She leaned into him and entwined her fingers with his, sighing contentedly.

“Who knew this would happen, right?” She exclaimed in a nostalgic voice. “Who knew that when we first met in that cold, damp little train station that we would actually get a band together? That WE could be like this, together; it almost makes you want to believe in fate.”

“Mm.” Dean hummed in response, only half listening. He took a swig of his beer and leaned his head back again. He had floated around in a lot of places since he had left, more of fled, his home in Kansas. Manhattan New York just happened to be the place where he was residing right now. Along the way he had slowly met people and they had just happened to form a band. He wouldn’t really call it fate or anything, it just was. 

“Hey space cadet; you sure you’re ok?” Anna was saying, breaking him out of his thoughts.

“Yea, m fine.” He lied once again. She reached up and kissed him chastely on the lips. 

“I love you.” She whispered into his neck. 

“Love you to.” He replied, giving her a peck on the forehead. 

He had known ever since they met that Anna like him. When she finally got up the courage to voice her feelings, he had accepted them without much thought. He actually felt really guilty about the reasons he had agreed to get together with her. He had had relationships in the past, boys and girls alike, but none of them lasted very long. After every single one he would swear it was over, no more relationships; they just ended in disappointment; but he would find himself somehow getting into another just because he missed the company. The secure feeling of having someone to hold and touch. Purely selfish motives, and this one was no different.

Just then the rest of the crew came out, breaking through the moment, if you could call it that. “Alright, shall we get this party started?” Benny said, clapping his hands together, and then extending one to Dean. Dean took it, inhaling sharply as he was pulled up off the couch. Dean looked around at all of the misfits that had somehow come together and smiled softly. There was a reason he put the word wayward in his band name. They were all wayward, lost boys really; and he had to admit that they had all found a place in his heart. 

“Okay, let’s do this!” He said, putting on his performing face. Nice and open and carefree, the exact opposite of who he felt he really was.

***

“So anyway, thanks for coming y’all!” The crowd cheered in response. Dean was sweaty but completely content, performing his music was the only thing that could make him forget everything and he wished he could do it every day. 

As he was sending them all off for the night, his gaze froze on one person at the very back of the room. He wasn’t sure why he caught his attention at first; he could barely see the guy after all. Maybe because he was standing still and silent, his eyes fixed steadily on Dean. It was a stark contrast from everyone else who were jumping and shouting and he found himself holding the man’s steady blue gaze. Benny must’ve noticed his distraction because he finished what he had been saying. Dean tore his gaze away from those deep blue eyes, almost afraid he’d drown in them, and smiled at the crowd as Benny wished them a goodnight; then it was over.

***

Over the next week, Dean couldn’t get the blue eyed man out of his head. He continued rehearsing with the band, partying with them and of course giving all the attention he could to Anna, but at the end of the day as he collapsed onto this bed, the memory of the guy in the back of the room would resurface, almost hauntingly. The following Thursday after the concert he found himself drinking a little too much, too early in the day, and zonked out on his bed back at his apt around 5pm.

It was the same old thing; he’d dreamt this a million times. He and his younger brother, Sam, were walking home from town. It was a stormy summer night and the sky was lit up like a firework show with lightning; the wind and rain whipped around them mercilessly. But they had to get home tonight. Dean was afraid that if they didn’t his dad would take his anger out on Sammy in the morning. They were crossing the bridge two blocks away from home, down below them the river was much higher than usual, fueled by the storm it roared and raced beneath their feet. It was an old bridge and Dean knew what was going too happened before it did. He always did.

A powerful gust of wind knocked into them and the old wooden rail gave way under Sam’s weight. He was watching his brother fall into the rapids for the thousandth time, knowing even though he had thrown himself after his brother without hesitation, he would not be able to save him.

Sammy!” Dean awoke with a shout, sitting straight up on the bed. He was sweating and panting, and he struggled to slow his racing heart. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he put his head in his hands. Would he ever stop having that nightmare, or was he doomed to be haunted by his failure forever? Glancing at the clock, it read 1:03am. He considered trying to go back to sleep, but then got up instead. Maybe he’d feel better after a drive; that usually helped anyway. 

He freshened himself up a bit, and then grabbed the keys to his most prized possession ever; a 67 Chevy Impala, and sped off down the road to try to clear his head. His thoughts wandered back to the guy form the concert and he wondered not for the first time if he hadn’t just made him up. What would a guy in a white shirt, a tie and a trench coat be doing at a rock concert anyway? A trench coat, a beige trench coat, a lot like the one that man was wearing on the sidewalk. 

“What the Hell is he doing?” Dean spoke as he drove past. It was past 1am, and this guy was walking alone down a dark street in New York; was he crazy? Dean quickly spun around just in time to see two guys quickly grab the guy and drag him out of sight. 

“Shit.” Dean cursed. He quickly pulled over and jumped out of the car, knowing he had to do something. For all he knew they could murder the poor guy. He stepped into the alleyway just in time to see one of the men twisting his hostage’s wrist so he could grab the bag he had been holding. Three of them. “Should be pretty easy then.” He thought to himself.

“Hey Asshats!” He called to get their attention. The guy who seemed to be in charge warned him to go away.

“I think It’s you who should get out of here, better drop that bag and go.” He replied calmly. The guy laughed and then…what did he call him? Princess? Oh, he would definitely teach these guys a lesson. They were very inexperienced and he had them all on the ground pretty quickly.

“Who’s the princess now, Bitch.” He muttered, wiping the blood away from a cut on his lip. He walked over to the guy in the trench coat to make sure he was alright. His wrist was sprained and he had multiple bruises on his arms and legs, but otherwise he just seemed shaken.

“Hey, were you by chance in the Wild Rover Pub last Friday?” He asked, although he was pretty sure this was his mystery guy he couldn’t seem to get out of his head. All the sudden the guy doubled over, gasping and shaking like crazy. The memory of Sam in the same position slammed into Dean’s mind and he automatically pulled the man to his chest. He offered soothing words and the rumble of his voice to help pull the guy from the panic attack, just like he used to do for Sammy. 

He couldn’t leave him here, so he asked what he could do to help and the man said a single word. Home. As he picked him up after realizing his ankle was also badly bruised, he noticed how light he was, and he tried to not think about how soft and slim the man felt beneath his arms. As he drove, he kept glancing at the man sitting beside him, trying to not think of how utterly gorgeous he was; even in his disheveled state. He had long dark eye lashes and soft looking dark hair. He had to resist the urge to reach out and touch it. He had a slim but fit build; but it was always those eyes that he kept going back to. He snapped his gaze back to the road, scolding himself for checking someone out when he had a girlfriend. He’d get him home, and that would be that; end of story, the end.


	5. To The Rescue...Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He heard Cass curse and then the line went dead. Dean’s heart rate doubled in panic. He wasn’t sure why, he barely knew the guy, but the thought that something bad had happened to him scared the living daylights out of him.

1 ½ months later, the middle of October…

“You told me you loved me back didn’t you?” Anna was just about in hysterics, her eyes red and puffy from crying as she stood by the counter in Deans kitchen. Dean leaned against the sink, rubbing his tired eyes. 

“Of course I do Anna; you know I do.”

“Well last time I checked couples usually live together. I don’t understand, I practically live here anyway. Why can’t I just move in with you?” She spoke, her voice cracking a bit. 

“I already told you; I’m just trying to do this one different than I have in the past. I just..I don’t wanna mess it up.” He sighed, running his hand through his messed up bed hair. Anna had spent the night for the fourth time in a row this week. He wondered why she had to be so freaking dramatic all the time, he thought that they had had a really good time last night; yet when he had gotten up this morning he had found her sobbing in the kitchen. Anna sighed, wiping at her eyes.

“Ok, just…ok. I understand; but can you at least give me a time frame? I want to be with you.” She walked over and put her arms around Dean’s middle, lightly leaning into him. His guilt washed over him in waves. 

“I can’t give you a time frame; just when I’m ready, okay babe?” He hugged her back, gently stroking her hair. 

She silently nodded. After she left he grabbed a beer, despite it being only noon, and sank down on the couch. He needed to stop, he needed to tell her the truth, but he just couldn’t get himself to do it. He hadn’t been lying, not entirely anyway. When he had first met Anna he HAD fallen in love with her. The same way he had fallen in love with Rachael, and Jessica, and Cassie…. But when he had agreed to be in a relationship, he had sworn to himself that he was going to do this one different. 

“So much for different.” He thought, taking a drink. Even though he had refused to let them live together, they were still sleeping together all the time, and it was ending up the same way as every other relationship he had ever had despite his best efforts. And then Castiel had come along, making things ten times harder. He couldn’t get the guy out of his head. Cass was so different than anyone he had ever fallen in love with, and it was as if fate wouldn’t leave them alone. Just when he thought he’d never see him again, he would pop back up and the whole thing would start all over again. Just then his phone rang, breaking into his thoughts.

“Son of a bitch.” He muttered when he saw who was calling. “Hiya Cass.” He greeted, his voice a bit too enthusiastic for his liking. He wasn’t supposed to be so damn happy that Cass had called.

“Hello Dean.” Cass replied; only his voice sounded somewhat different then he remembered it. It was still low, but it seemed more gravely and strained. 

“What’s up; you okay?” Dean asked. Silence from the other line. “Cass?” Dean spoke louder, his voice wet with worry now.

“Dean I-I need your help. I didn’t know who else to call.” He was broken off by a fit of coughing. 

“Where are you?” Dean asked, setting his beer down and standing up. 

“Uh…somewhere in central park, in my car. It’s a silver Honda fit.” He rasped when he could talk again. His voice sounded muted and slurred, Dean wondered if he was drunk.

“That’s a big place, you gotta give me a bit more than that bud.” Dean responded as he was grabbing his keys and heading out the door.  
He heard Cass curse and then the line went dead. Dean’s heart rate doubled in panic. He wasn’t sure why, he barely knew the guy, but the thought that something bad had happened to him scared the living daylights out of him. 

The roads were awful, and it took all his self control to not drive faster then was safe. He fishtailed it a few times, and was having a hell of a time trying to see through the early afternoon snow and smog. A heavy snow had started sometime during the night and there were already three more inches of the white powder covering the ground. He tried not to think about how Cass had sounded, and that cough sounded pretty serious. And what the Hell was he doing in Central park? It had been an unusually cold start to the winter, and it had to have gotten into the negatives last night. His phone showed it was only 10 degrees at the moment. 

He finally got to the park after what seemed like ages. He didn’t know what else to do so he just drove around looking for the car Cass had described. He tried calling him but just got an automated voice saying that the number was no longer available; which means pretty much anything could have happened. As soon as he found the car he practically jumped out of his own.

“Cass!?” He called, running up to the small silver car. It was covered in snow and looked like it hadn’t been driven in awhile. Dean could faintly see him huddled in a bunch of blankets, lying down in the backseat of the car; he looked like he was unconscious. He tried to open the door only to find that it was locked. “CASS!” He called again, knocking on the window. He was just about ready to go find something to break the window when Cass slowly sat up and opened the door. 

“Hey, what the hell’r you doing?” Dean asked angrily. Cass looked horrible. He was as pale as the freshly fallen snow around him and he was shivering uncontrollably. His blue eyes were unfocused and he could barley even tell that he was breathing. 

“My phone; it died.” Cass explained weakly, looking down at the phone in his hand like he didn’t even know what it was. Dean shrugged off all his anger; right now he needed to get him somewhere warm, he was showing all signs of having hypothermia. 

“C’mere.” He helped the smaller man out of the car and, for the second time since he had met him, picked him up. He was a lot lighter than he remembered him being, and he noted that his face seemed more sunken as well. If he didn’t know any better he would’ve thought that the guy had been living in his car. 

“I’m sorry, it was just..so..cold.” Cass almost whispered. 

“And why aren’t you at your place?” 

“Ran out of money.” Cass mumbled. As Dean set him in the front seat of his car once again, he noticed that he wasn’t shivering very much anymore.   
“Shit.” He cursed under his breath. Jumping into the driver’s seat and turning the heat on full blast. He had also kept the blankets wrapped around him. 

“How long?” he wondered as he started to head for home. How long had he been living in his car? Beside him Castiel started to cough again, a dry hacking sound that really worried him and in spite of the weather, he sped up a bit; wondering if he should be taking him to the hospital and not his apt. “Take him home, get him warm, then we’ll see what needs to be done.” He thought to himself.

***

Dean wrung the washcloth out in the cold water and once more placed it on Cass’s burning forehead. When he had gotten him home Cass was still conscious but wasn’t responsive at all. He had gotten him into bed and stacked blankets on top of him, sticking some hot pads on him as well, trying to get his temperature up. It hadn’t taken long, and now he found himself trying to cool him down at a temperature of 106 degrees. How someone could go from 94 degrees to 106 in a few hours was beyond him.

His phone rang out, and he dug it out of his pocket with a sigh; three guesses who it was. 

“Hey Anna.” 

“Hey where are you? The band’s all here; I thought we were rehearsing at 6 today?” Dammit, he had totally forgotten; he glanced at the clock that read 6:26pm. 

“You know, um, some stuff actually came up and I don’t think I’ll be able to make it today.”

“Stuff? Since when you do you have “stuff?” You ok?” 

“Oh yea, it’s just, I forgot I told a friend I’d help him out today. You know me, one track mind n all.” He was lying through his teeth; why couldn’t he just tell her the truth? What was he afraid of?

“Oh…well, ok then, if you say so. It’s still ok for me to come by later though, right?”

“Oh, were you going to?” Shit, he had forgotten about that as well. 

“It’s Friday, remember? Movie night?” She responded in a strained voice.

“Yea, you know this is gonna take longer than I thought; can we do it another night?” Silence from the other end, he was definitely on thin ice.

“Well, ok; I guess.”

“Thanks babe, I’ll make it up to you, I swear.” 

“Whatever.”

“I lo-“ He started to say but the line had already gone dead. He sighed, putting the phone down and running a hand through his unkempt hair. He was definitely going to pay for that one. Why didn’t he just tell her the truth? He chortled. 

“Yea, that I had to save this mysterious, probably homeless guy that I’m extremely attracted to no matter how I look at the situation? That’d go over real well.” Castiel twitched a little in his sleep, and Dean noted how ragged his breathing still was. His temp had only gone down a few degrees, but at least it was going down. He had already broken out into a sweat; but now his clothes were soaked.

“Better if I just took them off.” He muttered. He gently lifted the smaller man and pulled his t-shirt over his head. Thinking he should probably get the sweat off of him, he placed a towel underneath Cass’s back and gently wiped at his skin. Although skinnier then before, he was still in pretty good shape. He found himself reveling in the softness of his skin, almost disbelievingly smooth. He shook his head, scolding himself once again. Drying him off, he quickly pulled the covers up to his chin and folded the cloth on his forehead once more.   
“He’s probably not even in to guys, just give it up already.” He thought to himself. 

Sitting back in his chair and folding his arms, he watched the rise and fall of Castiels chest until it became almost hypnotic and he found himself nodding off to sleep.

***

When Castiel awoke, he had no idea where he was. He struggled to sit up, but didn’t make it very far as white hot pain shot through his head, driving him back down. He felt a pressure on his forehead and reaching up, found a damp cloth lying on his head. It was only then that he remembered. He hadn’t been able to pay this month’s rent, so he had gotten evicted. Charlie and Claire had so many of their own worries he hadn’t wanted to bother them; so he had been trying to live in his car the last few weeks. If it hadn’t been so damn cold…

A soft noise sounded nearby, making him jump. Looking to the right he found Dean asleep in a chair by the bed. He faintly remembered Dean finding him in his car, but it was pretty blurry. Dean was slightly slouched, his legs spread out in front of him and his head lay to the right, resting on his shoulder. His arms were folded across his chest and he was snoring softly. Dean must have sensed someone watching him, because his eyes were slowly blinking open. He lifted his head and their eyes met.

“Good morning sleeping beauty.” Dean greeted with a crooked smile, making Cass’s heart race. Dean cracked his neck loudly and stood up, stretching. 

“So, just wonderin; do you get a kick out of dangerous situations or is this all just a coincidence?” 

“That’s far from funny Dean.” Cass replied in a small voice. Dean frowned at him.

“Sorry man, but really, what happened? You were hypothermic when I found you, then just as quickly decided to jump to a fever of 106 not 4 hours after. 106, that kills people Cass.” Castiel stayed silent, staring up at the ceiling with a blank expression. It wasn’t like he meant for this to happen, it just had. Dean got up and grabbed the thermometer. “Put this under your tongue.” He instructed. Cass obediently did so. 

“101 degrees, not bad, but still a bit high.” Castiel sighed.

“It’s good enough, thank you Dean; and I’m truly sorry to have bothered you for the second time in such a small space of time.” He tried to get up and found the room spinning around him. His breath caught in his throat and he found himself coughing uncontrollably. 

“Take it easy, it’s fine; here.” Dean offered a glass of water and Cass gratefully took it. 

“Ok, you don’t have to explain if you don’t want to, but you’re not going anywhere yet. Pretty sure you have some sort of Bronchitis or Pneumonia, and that could easily turn deadly if we don’t be careful. I can’t handle your blood on my hands, so please just stay for the time being.” Cass nodded, wincing at the pain in his head. Dean gave him some Tylenol, which helped his headache a bit. 

“Am pretty curious though, I gotta admit.” Dean muttered. Setting the glass of water on the nightstand, Cass climbed back into bed, leaning his head against the headboard. 

“I was-I’m just so stupid.” He mumbled. “I thought I could do this. When I was accepted into Julliard, I thought anything would be worth it if I could just write my music.”

“Wait, you go to Julliard?” Dean asked, surprised. Cass nodded. 

“I play cello, although this.” He held up his braced wrist “has set me back a bit. It’s getting better though; I think I’ll be able to start playing again in a few weeks. Luckily you can still write music even if you can’t play it. But, even though I had quite a large inheritance, look what happened. My father is a fairly renowned brain surgeon, so even though he didn’t approve of me pursuing my career in music, he still helped me get started money wise. But…”

“Let me guess, a little more expensive here than you thought?” 

“I was so naïve. I didn’t want to bother anyone; I thought if I could just stay in my car I could get a job soon, but I hadn’t planned on it being so damn cold.” He sighed, pulling the covers up under his chin. “I guess Naomi was right; I really have no choice but to go back home now. I’ll probably just go to med school like everyone wants me to.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Dean spoke up. “It doesn’t matter what you family thinks you should do Cass; you need to do what makes YOU happy, no one else. If I were going to Julliard and had a shot at becoming a world famous composer, I wouldn’t let anything stand in my way.” 

“Dean, that’s a very nice sentiment, but you’re forgetting that I’m homeless now.” Cass spoke with a sad smile. There was a silence as Dean looked down at the floor, seemingly deep in thought.

“Just stay here until you can get back on your feet then.” Dean said, looking back up. Castiel stared at him in disbelief.

“Oh no, I definitely couldn’t do that; you’ve already done way too much for me; besides, I can’t pay you any rent.”

“Shaddup and just accept it. Besides, it’ll save me the trouble of trying to find you to save your ass again.” 

Castiel was totally caught off guard by this offer, and he struggled to know what to say. Finally he managed a “Are you sure?”

“Yup, positive.” Dean said, smiling reassuringly. 

“Well, th-thank you; so much. If There’s anything I can do to repay you, let me know.” Castiel stuttered.

“How about you get better, stay off the streets in the middle of the night, and no more sleeping in cars; capiche?” 

Castiel blushed, looking down. “Yea, I capiche.”


	6. Hey Jude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean thought for a minute and then started to pluck out the chords to the song “Hey Jude” by the Beatles. He almost stopped in surprise as a soft flowing harmony joined him. After a minute he changed the chords a bit to match the style of what Cass was playing, then he started to sing.
> 
> Then Cass was singing harmony. His voice was a bit shaky and inexperienced, but definitely not bad; and Dean found himself smiling softly as they sang together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the picture is by me btw. Not the best, but I thought it fit really well!

It must have only been the third or fourth night that Castiel had stayed at Deans apartment. He had just started feeling close to normal again. He had insisted that he sleep on the couch, but Dean wouldn’t have it, and he found himself sleeping in Deans bed. He tried very hard not to completely enjoy being surrounded by the smell of leather and Dean, but he secretly reveled in it; snuggling into his squishy queen bed and inhaling deeply. “The only thing that would make this better was if Dean was here with me instead of out on that couch.” He found himself thinking as he let darkness drift over his mind.

***

Castiel sat straight up in bed, his heart pounding in his chest. What was that? He could’ve sworn he had heard someone screaming. The room was filled with soft darkness and, glancing at the clock by the bed, it read 3:23am. Just as he thought maybe it had been the scream of a cat or something he heard Dean call out from the living room. Climbing out of bed he felt his way to the living room to make sure everything was okay.

“Dean?” He called softly. Dean lay on the couch, asleep but clearly in distress. His face was a mask of worry, and as Cass came closer he could see drying tears on his cheeks.

“Sammy no.” He mumbled, twitching in his sleep. 

“A nightmare about his brother.” Castiel realized. He sat down on the floor beside the couch and laid his hand on Deans head gently, suppressing a yawn. 

“It’s okay, you’re ok Dean. I’m here.” He murmured reassuringly, his voice low and soft from sleep and getting over his sickness. 

“I’m-I’m sorry.” He thought he could hear Dean say, and fresh tears leaked from the corner of his eyes. Cass wiped them away, murmuring comforting and reassuring words, just like Dean had done for him when he had his panic attack. 

“It wasn’t your fault; sometimes accidents just happen.” He found himself speaking to the darkness. “I’m guessing you’ve always blamed yourself for his death; you’re way to kind for your own good Dean Winchester.” He whispered, gently running his fingers through Deans short hair. Eventually he relaxed, and Cass felt safe to go back to bed. It became almost a ritual. Almost every night, at about 3:30am, Cass would get woken by Deans nightmare. He’d go comfort him, and then when he was sure he was okay, he’d go back to bed.

***

“Why in the world can’t I come over this time?” Anna was on the verge of tears once again. They were done with rehearsal and Dean was about to head home. He wondered if Cass was home yet as he responded. 

“I’m just not feeling very well, okay? I wish you’d stop taking everything so personal.” 

“I haven’t been over for almost 3 weeks now.” Anna said in a soft voice. “I’m not trying to make it personal, I miss you.” 

“Okay, tomorrow night; I promise.” She hesitantly agreed to that one, to his relief. When he got home he froze before opening the door. He heard music drifting through the door from inside. Carefully opening the door, he snuck in. The music doubled in volume as he closed the door behind him. It was beautiful; deep and soul full tones filled his ears and his heart, immediately bringing tears to his eyes. He walked to the living room and peeked in. 

Cass sat in one of his kitchen chairs, playing the cello. His sweat pants hung loosely on his slim figure, bunching up around his bare feet, and he wore a silly looking white and black knit sweater. His hair was a mess, sticking out at all sorts of odd angles, making him look ridiculously sexy. His eyes were closed and he had a focused look on his face; his lips in a slight frown and his head tilted ever so slightly to the left, usually reserved for when he didn’t understand one of Dean’s jokes. Dean noted in surprise that he had black rimmed glasses on. He had never seen him with glasses and didn’t even know he needed them. 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/36310241526/in/dateposted-public/)

The notes suddenly took on a more sour tone; angry, almost desperate notes flowed around him like a river, giving voice to the frustrations in his heart. He realized as he leaned his head on the door frame, that he had fallen head over heels in love with the man playing that cello. He had loved him ever since he first saw him in the back of the bar, standing there dressed more like as a tax accountant then for a concert. And it hurt. It hurt because he didn’t even know how Castiel thought of him. It hurt because he was going to have to somehow tell Anna that this just wasn’t going to work, even though there was no way he could ever be with Cass anyway. The music ended on a soft, sad single note that seemed to linger on even after he stopped playing.

“Dean!” Cass exclaimed in surprise. It was only then that he realized there were tears on his face and he turned away, hurriedly trying to wipe them away. “How long have you been there?”

“Um, a few minutes maybe?” He smiled at the color on Cass’s face. “That was probably the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard bud. No reason to be embarrassed.”

Cass looked fondly at his cello, smiling warmly. What he wouldn’t give to have Cass look at him that way. “Yea, I got so excited. I can finally play again; you have no idea how good that felt.” Just then Dean got an idea.

“Hey, hang on a minute.” He rushed to get his guitar and sat on the couch across from where Cass sat. “You’re a composer right? You should write something for cello and guitar so I can play with you.” Cass gave him a thoughtful look.

“Hmm, start playing.” Dean thought for a minute and then started to pluck out the chords to the song “Hey Jude” by the Beatles. He almost stopped in surprise as a soft flowing harmony joined him. After a minute he changed the chords a bit to match the style of what Cass was playing, then he started to sing.

Hey Jude, don’t make it bad  
Take a sad song, and make it better  
Remember to let her into your heart  
Then you can start to make it better.

Then Cass was singing harmony. His voice was a bit shaky and inexperienced, but definitely not bad; and Dean found himself smiling softly as they sang together.

And anytime you feel the pain  
Hey Jude refrain  
Don’t carry the world upon your shoulders  
And don’t you know that it’s a fool  
Who plays it cool  
By making his world a little colder

As they finished, they both just kind of sat in silence for a minute. 

“Ok, we’ve got to make a spot for you in the band.” Dean grinned. “You can play an electric cello and write your own versions to all our songs!” He couldn’t help it, he was absolutely amazed at what Cass had done to the song. “That was like, ten times better than the original.”

Cass was smiling shyly at him, and it took all of Deans self control not to reach over the small table and pull him into a kiss. Those deep blue eyes made that very very hard not to do. 

“Well, thank you Dean; you’re pretty amazing yourself, but I already knew that; I’ve seen you perform after all.” Dean found himself gazing fondly at the man across from him, and in a moment of bravery he spoke. 

“Hey Cass, I gotta ask something.”

“Yes Dean?” Cass was looking at him almost expectantly and his mouth froze; instead of confessing his love he ended up asking a question.

“Why haven’t I ever seen you in glasses?” The tension between them lifted, and Cass seemed to almost deflate a bit, as if he were disappointed. 

“I just need them to read, so that’s the only time a wear them.”

“Oh.” Dean replied, trying to slow his heart, which had doubled when he thought he was going to tell Cass his feelings. There was an almost awkward silence. 

“Oh, I almost forgot.” Cass spoke up. “There’s still some mac and cheese sitting on the stove. I thought you might want some so I left the stove on low to keep it warm for you.”

“Aw man, you’re the best, I’m starving!” Dean exclaimed happily, putting his guitar away and practically running to the kitchen. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever had a meal waiting for me at home; if you’re gonna be my own personal chef you can stay forever if you want!” He teased from the kitchen. He heard Cass laugh. 

“He doesn’t know how serious I am.” He thought, scooping the rest of the noodles into a bowl. Ever since Cass had moved in, things had gotten a lot brighter. He hadn’t even been having nightmares as much, and he wondered if it was due to Castiels presence. He sat down to eat, listening to the sounds of the cello drift from the living room and realized that he was more happy than he had been in a long time.


	7. Batman And The Fallen Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You.” Cass said, fixing Dean with an almost predatory glare. “Are Fucking beautiful.” He didn’t even care that he had practically just confessed his love to the guy; he was just stating a fact after all. Dean stared at him with wide eyes, then he was grabbing Cass’s tie, their lips were being smashed together and Cass lost himself completely.

“Cass, where’s your costume?” Charlie reprimanded as Cass climbed into the backseat of her car.  
“I don’t have one.” He responded. He had let Charlie, Claire, and Charlie’s new found girlfriend Dorothy talk him into going to a Halloween party across town, although he wasn’t sure how it had happened. Dean had invited him to his own party, but he had already agreed to Charlie’s invite so he had had to politely decline. Not really having any money to spend on a costume, he had just instinctively worn his dress shirt and usual trench coat.

“Maybe he could be a detective?” Claire suggested next to him, motioning to his trench coat. She wore a torn up and bloodied cheer leading uniform and her face was all painted to look like a zombie; a zombie cheerleader. 

“Or an FBI agent.” Dorothy put in from the front seat. Charlie had met Dorothy in one of her classes at Julliard and it hadn’t taken long for the two of them to get together. True to her name, Dorothy wore a blue plaid dress; her long brown hair done in braids on either side of her head. Only the dress was much shorter than the original Cass thought. Charlie shook her head at both of the suggestions.

“No, I have a much better idea; we just need to stop back by our apartment, it will only take a second.” 

In a few minutes they were pulling up to Charlie and Claire’s apartment and Charlie jumped out, ordering Castiel to follow her. 

“Charlie, why don’t we just pretend that I’m a detective like Claire said? I really hate to impose.” Cass protested as he followed her up to the door. She had on an equally short black dress with a plunging neckline, and white and black stripped stockings. High heel black boots adorned her feet and she had painted her face and hands bright green to look like the wicked witch of the west. Her red hair was painted black and to top it all off, a big black pointy witches hat. 

“Nonsense, I wanted to use these anyway. They were going to be for next year, but now you can use them!” Cass swallowed nervously; what was she going to make him wear? With Charlie it could be anything. Going to the closet she pulled out some big fluffy black angel wings. 

“Tah-dah! You can be an angel!” She looked quite proud of herself for coming up with the idea. 

“I’m not wearing those.” Cass stated, shaking his head.

“Oh C’mon, please? At least try them on.” Cass looked at her reluctantly. “For me?” She pleaded, giving him her best puppy dog eyes.

“Dammitt.” Cass thought, putting on the wings. Why did he have to be such a suck up? 

“And don’t forget your halo!” Charlie chimed, sliding a black headband on his head that had an equally fluffy black halo on top. It was attached by a thin wire, so every time he moved it bounced obnoxiously. 

“Why are they black? Aren’t angels supposed to have white wings?” Cass asked, straightening the headband and wondering how he got himself in situations such as this. 

“Would you rather they be pink? You can be a fallen angel; that sounds sexier anyway.” Charlie replied. Castiel grudgingly followed her back to the car, wondering how he was going to get through the night looking so ridiculous. Claire was giggling as he got in.

“It’s perfect Charlie; cause you’re pretty much an angel at school Cass!” She teased, reaching up and poking his halo, making it bounce. Cass stilled it with a glare. 

“Fallen; I’m a fallen angel ok?” He muttered grumpily. If he was going to have to be an angel the entire night, he was going to make sure everyone knew he was fallen, not some prissy suck up. “Which is exactly what I am.” He thought with a depressed sigh. All the sudden he was glad that Dean wasn’t going to be at the party. He would die if he had to be seen by him like this. This was going to be a long night.

***

Dean was currently in the middle of a huge crowd, surrounded by his band members and a bunch of other people he didn’t know. He wore a bat man costume, like every Halloween and Anna was glued to his side dressed as a sexy devil, complete with red horns. 

“Batman again? You need to change it up a bit brother!” Benny exclaimed, appearing at his side.

“Speak for yourself! And what does a vampire have to do with pirates?” Dean laughed, motioning to Benny’s fangs and eye patch.

“I told you, I’m a vampirate; get it?” Benny replied, raising his hooked hand. Dean busted out laughing.

“Wasn’t I the one that gave a name to it?” Benny shrugged. 

“It sounded so badass I’ve just had to do it ever since.” 

“Dean, get over here and bob for apples with us!” Joe called. Her and Adam were over by the tub of water. Joe was dressed as a cowgirl. 

“What are you supposed to be Adam?” Anna asked as they walked over.

“Isn’t it obvious, I’m a ghost, duh.” Adam replied, motioning to the white sheet he had cut a hole in for his head. 

“You look like more of some sad clown.” Dean teased referring to the bad paint job on his face.

“Shaddup and dunk your head, bat boy.” He retorted with a crooked grin. 

“I wonder what Cass is doing?” Dean found himself thinking. Then, as if on cue, he looked around and there he was; standing by the doorway by an undead cheerleader. He had to hold back his laughter; he wore a pair of black fuzzy wings and a halo, and he did NOT look happy about it. He guessed either the Wicked witch of the west or Dorothy might be to blame. He obviously hadn’t come up with it himself since he was wearing what he had been when they first met. After a minute he managed to catch Cass’s attention. Cass started, giving him a look of utter horror, there was no other way to describe it; then he hastily drug the cheerleader into the kitchen and out of sight. 

“What was that all about; he afraid of bats or something?” Dean wondered in confusion. Telling Anna he was going to go get drinks, he made his way into the kitchen, searching for the black halo. When he found him he snuck up behind him and grabbed his shoulders. “BOO!” He yelled and all at once his face was drenched in cold liquid, but all he could do was laugh because the sound that Cass had made could not be considered human.

“DEAN!” Cass exclaimed, clutching a now squished plastic cup in his hands. The contents of which now decorated Dean’s face.

“Hiya Cass.” Dean grinned, grabbing a napkin and wiping his face. 

“What are you doing here; you scared the hell out of me!” Cass exclaimed, his face a mixture of anger and embarrassment. Dean found his snarky little attitude to be downright sexy; and he wanted more of it. 

“I could ask you the same thing; I thought you were going to your friend’s party?” 

“This IS the party.” 

“Huh, small world.” Dean huffed, looking around. “So what are you? Some kind of holy tax accountant?” He asked, reaching up and pulling on the halo. Castiel smacked his hand away and straightened it.

“No, I’m a fallen angel!” He huffed angrily, only fueling Deans desire. It took all his self control not to grab that crooked tie and bring him to his lips. 

“Well then, did it hurt?” He asked.

“Did what hurt?” Cass asked in exasperation.

“When you fell from heaven; did it hurt?” Cass stared at him with a “are you kidding me” face. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before replying.

“What are YOU supposed to be anyway?”

“Isn’t it obvious? I’m batman!” He growled in his best batman voice, pulling his cloak up over the bottom half of his face.

“A jerk is what you are.” Cass replied, but he was smiling now. Just then Claire came bounding over.

“There you are; c’mon you’ve gotta come try-“ She trailed off when she saw who Cass was talking to.

“You’re Dean!” She almost yelled.

“No, I’m Batman.” He replied. Claire looked from Castiel to Dean and back again. 

“How did you- when did- Cass you didn’t tell me you KNOW him!” 

Castiel shrugged, looking backed into a corner. “It never got brought up.” 

“And you are?” Dean asked, feeling a bit out of the loop. 

“Oh, I’m Claire, Claire Novak. Nice to meet you, I’m a big fan of your music.” 

“Novak; you two related then?” Dean asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No, it’s completely coincidental actually.” Cass replied with a smile. For one second Dean didn’t know if he was being serious or sarcastic.

“Oh, was that sarcasm I hear? Are you being sarcastic now?” He spoke, mostly to find out if he actually was or not.

Cass gave him a confused tilt of the head. “No, it really is coincidental; Claire also goes to Julliard; we’re classmates.” 

Before Dean could answer Anna appeared, latching onto his arm and glancing suspiciously at Claire. “it’s not her that you need to worry about.” Dean thought to himself, glancing at the grumpy angel now crossing his arms across his chest, looking put out with the world.

“There you are babe, I thought you were just getting drinks!” She spoke.

“Sorry, ran into some friends; this is Castiel Novak, and his friend Claire Novak. They might be related, or they might not be, the world may never know.” He introduced, winking at Cass; which earned him an eye roll.

“Nice to meet you both.” Anna said politely. 

“You as well.” Cass replied, though it sounded pretty rigid to Dean. 

“Dean, I want to go carve a pumpkin.” Anna was saying. 

“That sounds like fun; c’mon Cass lets go with!” Claire said. Dean thought he looked as happy about this as Anna, but he nodded.

“Where did Charlie and Dorothy run off to?” Cass asked her. Claire shrugged.

“They disappeared as soon as we got here; do we really want to know?” Cass had told Dean about his friends, but he hadn’t told him that Charlie had found herself a girlfriend.

“Dorothy dressed up as Dorothy, figures.” He thought. As they walked over to the pumpkin carving tables, he noticed Cass was getting even grumpier by the minute. 

“He seriously needs to stop with the grumpy snarky attitude.” He thought; he could feel hot desire pooling in his stomach. If Cass kept this up he wasn’t going to last the night.

***

Cass tried to concentrate on the cat he was carving into his pumpkin, but really all he could see were Dean and Anna, all flirty and making goo goo eyes at each other. Hot jealousy was swirling around inside of him without his permission. Another one of Dean’s band members, Benny he thought his name was, came over with drinks. It looked like some sort of beer, and started handing them out. He offered one to Cass and he was about to politely refuse when he realized he didn’t really care tonight. He took it and took a huge swig. 

Cass, I didn’t take you for the drinking type.” Claire spoke in surprise. 

“I’m not.” He mumbled, frowning at the bottle. It was utterly and completely disgusting. He took another drink, and went back to work on his pumpkin, trying to ignore Anna’s giggles. The longer the night went on, the more antsy he became, although he wasn’t exactly sure why. He was hanging out with one of his best friends after all, and Dean was there. But so was Anna, and it shouldn’t, but it was making him unbelievably angry. He had had a few beers, even though he was feeling pretty tipsy after even one when Dean came up to him.

“What?” He asked, more sharply than he had intended. 

“Can I talk to you outside for a second?” Cass nodded and let himself be gently herded outside; to this surprise Anna didn’t follow.

“Have you ever even had a drink before?” Dean asked when they were alone.

“F cerse I have; M 24’s old!” Cass replied defensively, trying to decide which of the two Deans he was seeing to focus on. 

“You just seem-you probably shouldn’t have any more to drink; you’re getting pretty plastered bud.” Cass drew himself up to his full height, catching himself as he started to tip. 

“I’m pervecly capble adert Dean, I know whatm doing.” Dean’s eyes looked so much brighter than usual and his beautiful freckled skin stood out so wonderfully from the black that he was wearing. 

“Of course you are bud, just do me a favor and no more drinks k?” Dean was saying. Cass finally gave up and reached up to stroke those perfect freckles. Dean seemed to freeze under his touch.

“You.” Cass said, fixing Dean with an almost predatory glare. “Are Fucking beautiful.” He didn’t even care that he had practically just confessed his love to the guy; he was just stating a fact after all. Dean stared at him with wide eyes, then he was grabbing Cass’s tie, their lips were being smashed together and Cass lost himself completely. He reached up and grabbed the front of Dean’s black batman shirt with both hands, clutching at him almost desperately. A small alarm bell with the name Anna on it was ringing in the back of his mind, but it quickly got silenced by the utter feeling of ecstasy he was getting. After about a minute, or was it an hour? They broke apart, faces flushed with pleasure. Somewhere along the way Cass’s hand had found its way into Dean’s hair and Dean was holding him flat against his body with his arms hooked around Cass’s waist.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/35959488220/in/dateposted-public/)

“Cass.” Dean whispered, his face mere inches away.

“Mhm?” He mumbled contentedly. Then Dean pulled away, leaving him quite cold in the winter chill. 

“You’re plastered, let’s get you home.” Something was telling Cass that he had messed up big time, but his head was all fuzzy and he couldn’t erase the feeling of Dean’s lips on his. He obediently followed him, feeling so light that he wondered why he didn’t just float right up to the sky.


	8. All Hell Breaks Loose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ever since I met you my life has been that much brighter okay? I used to have nightmares every night, but I don’t anymore.” He smiled; he couldn’t believe how disgustingly sweet he was being; what was Cass turning him into? “You really are an angel Castiel.” A small hiccup escaped Cass’s lips, and he gently took Deans lips in his own in a chaste kiss. It was right then and there that they both heard a gasp from the doorway and they practically flew apart. There was Anna, her face a mask of horror, standing in the doorway.

Dean was currently in the kitchen making some ginger tea. He stood in front of the stove top in his boxers and a t-shirt, his hair a mess on his head, thinking hard. It was a good thing that Halloween landed on a Friday this year, because Cass was spending a good portion of the morning in the bathroom. Dean had made him drink at least two glasses of water after they had gotten home last night, but it hadn’t helped much. The tea was for Cass whenever he did make it out of the bathroom. 

“I wonder if he even knew that is was vodka and not just beer.” He thought with a small smile.

He had hastily let Anna know last night that he needed to take his friend home, and she hadn’t looked one bit happy about it. That was going to have repercussions for sure. He had messed up on a number of levels, bad. Cass had been freaking drunk; he had practically taken advantage of the guy; it didn’t matter that he probably wouldn’t remember any of it, the fact was it had been done. But Cass’s comment..he may have been drunk, but was there some truth to what he had said about him being gorgeous? He had lost it; the way Cass had looked at him, like he was about to eat him almost, everything had been too damn much. He reached up and lightly touched his lips, remembering the feeling of Cass’s lips on his. Now that he thought about it, Cass’s snarkyness and his attitude were all directed toward either him or Anna, almost as if he were…

A groan from behind him interrupted his thoughts. He turned to see a very bed headed sad looking Castiel walk into the kitchen. 

“There’s that blasted sex hair again.” He couldn’t help thinking. 

“Morning Sunshine; I’m making some ginger tea for you, it’ll help to settle your stomach.” 

“What time is it?” Cass asked, his voice even more gruff than usual.

“Almost two.” Cass’s eyes grew wide.

“What? Shit, I’ve never slept that long before.” He sank into a chair and put his head in his hands, his elbows propped up on the kitchen table. Dean finished the tea and brought it over to the table, sitting down next to him.

“Do you remember anything from last night?” He hoped he sounded casual and not as nervous as he felt.

“Uhh….Charlie made me be an angel; it was awful.” He grumbled, taking the cup from Dean. Dean chuckled.   
“That it? I guess you DID have about three bottles of vodka.”   
“Is that what it was?” Cass asked in a dazed voice, sipping the tea. Just as Dean started to think he was safe Cass spoke again. 

“Oh wait; I do remember something else!”

“What?” Dean asked, swallowing thickly.

“I poured punch on you; sorry about that, you just really startled me.” Dean let out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding. 

“Ah, I deserved it anyway, it’s all good.” They sat in silence for a few minutes, Dean staring off into the distance and Cass sipping his tea.

“Do you have rehearsal today?” Cass asked.

“Naw, I don’t have anything planned really. Didn’t know how late I’d be out; you?” Cass shook his head.

“Nope, just trying not to die.” 

“Well hey, why don’t we have a movie day huh? As soon as your head stops throbbing that is.” Dean suggested. If neither of them were doing anything then why not?

“It actually feels a whole lot better compared to when I woke up this morning.” Cass replied, finishing off his tea. “Thank you, that was very kind of you to make this for me.” 

“Don’t mention it; you wanna?” Dean got up, motioning to the living room, wanting a distraction from Cass and his thoughts.

“Yea, I think I do.” Cass replied, following. 

“Just keep sipping water and you’ll be just fine.” Dean promised. 

“What should we watch?” Cass asked, sitting himself down on the couch.

“Well, all I have is Netflix at the moment, so something on there would be preferable.” He plopped down by Cass, forgetting how squishy the couch was; they practically fell together. Dean muttered a hasty apology and went to scoot over. 

“No, it’s fine; you’re fine where you’re at.” Dean glanced at him.

“I mean, if you’re comfortable.” Castiel added hastily.

Dean scooted back over, his suspicions growing. “Does he really like me?” He wondered. 

They watched a bit of everything really. Some of Arrow, some random comedies, and this weird show called the 100 that Cass liked. Not really thinking about it Dean draped his arm over the back of the couch in his usual position; then realized he was practically putting his arm around Cass’s shoulders. He didn’t dare move though, he had just put it up there, and wouldn’t it be weird if he moved it now? His mind relaxed a bit when Cass lightly leaned against him, and he decided it was okay. 

The whole time the guilt of last night’s kiss was eating at him. Just because Cass didn’t remember it didn’t make it okay. Finally, as the credits rolled on Season 1 of the 100, he cleared his throat. He had to say something or his guilt was going to eat him alive. 

“Hey Cass, I gotta tell you something.” Cass stiffened beside him, lifting his head and giving him an almost worried look. 

“Something…happened last night. I’m not sure how but…I think you need to know.” His heart was pounding so loud he half expected it to jump out of his chest. 

“You were really drunk, so I don’t blame you at all; besides I’m the one that did it..” he stuttered; could he really tell him?

“It’s okay Dean, I remember; I just didn’t want to say anything.” Cass spoke in a small voice. Dean looked at him in surprise.

“You do? I mean, you remember? Crap, I’m so sorry; I didn’t mean to do..what I did..”

“Did you mean it?” Cass asked, looking down at his hands. 

“No I-you just-ugh!” He growled in frustration, burying his face in his hands. “ I couldn’t get you out of my head; ever since I first saw you at the concert.” He mumbled through his hands. He heard Cass chuckle. 

“What?” He asked, glancing up.

“Same here.” Cass replied. “But you had Anna; you still do.” He continued.

“that…is s very complicated situation.” Dean stated with a sigh. “I don’t think I ever actually loved her as much as she wanted me to. I wanted to, for the sake of having someone, but then you came along.” He trailed off. Castiel looked back down at his hands.

“I ruined everything, didn’t I?” Noticing tears gleaming in Cass’s eyes, Dean took hold of his face in his hands and looked him in the eyes. 

“You didn’t ruin anything Cass; if anything you saved me, okay?” 

“How? You’re the one that saved me silly.” Cass stuttered, a few tears escaped his eyes.

“Ever since I met you my life has been that much brighter okay? I used to have nightmares every night, but I don’t anymore.” He smiled; he couldn’t believe how disgustingly sweet he was being; what was Cass turning him into? “You really are an angel Castiel.” A small hiccup escaped Cass’s lips, and he gently took Deans lips in his own in a chaste kiss. It was right then and there that they both heard a gasp from the doorway and they practically flew apart. There was Anna, her face a mask of horror, standing in the doorway.

“Anna; how did you get in?” Dean blurted out. If looks could kill he would be dead twice over. 

“The door was unlocked genius.” She spat. “So this is why you’ve been blowing me off; you were worried I’d find out about your new boyfriend? Strictly into Dick now are you?” Dean stood.

“Anna, let me explain.”

“Oh I think finding the love of my life kissing some guy I don’t even know tells me everything I need to know!” She was yelling now, tears streaming down her face.

“Please just listen to me.” Dean tried, going up to her. Stinging pain flashed across his face as her hand collided with his cheek.

“How could you? I hate you so much, don’t ever touch me again you slut!” She screamed, and turned and ran out the door. Dean stood in shock, gazing after her. 

“Anna wait; please just wait!” He called, shaking himself out of his daze. He ran out the door and reached the bottom of the stairs just in time to see her driving away. 

“Wait.” He whispered, putting his hands on his head. “Fuck.” He cursed over and over, pacing the sidewalk in despair. This was NOT how he had wanted Anna to find out. Sure he knew she’d be upset regardless, but this was the absolute worst case scenario. He dug his phone out and tried to call her. It rang twice before going to voicemail. 

“Son of a bitch.” He swore in anger. Then, realizing he had left Cass upstairs, went back inside. He walked back to the living room but Cass wasn’t there. 

“Cass?” He called, checking the bathroom and kitchen. He found him in the bedroom, suitcase open on the bed. He was hastily stuffing his belongings into it, sniffling softly. When Dean came in he made a pathetic attempt to clear his face of tears. 

“What are you doing?” Dean asked numbly. 

“I’m sorry Dean. Thank you for all you’ve done for me; it’s way more than I ever deserved. The only way that you’re going to be able to patch things up with Anna is if I’m gone, so I’m leaving.” He replied, his voice cracking a bit. Dean sighed.

“Cass, I was going to tell her regardless, I just didn’t want her to find out like this.” Cass shook his head.

“No, I gotta go; I’ll send you the rent money when I can.” He closed his suitcase firmly and wiped his face on his sleeve.

“Cass please, just…please.” Dean couldn’t even get the words out. Anna had just left him forever, and now Cass was doing the same damn thing. Whatever he tried he always ended up alone. 

“It’ll be better for you if I’m gone; you’ll see.” Castiel spoke more firmly.

“Just…Cass please don’t leave me.” Dean found himself pleading, fighting back the tears that threatened him. Cass wouldn’t even look at him as he gathered up the rest of his things. He was heading for the door; if he let him reach it he knew he would never see him again. Reflexively he reached out and grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracks. Cass looked back at him and their eyes met. Dean opened his mouth but no words would come out. He found himself just staring into those deep blue eyes, pleading him to not leave. His phone rang and he almost ignored it; but then thought it might be Anna. Nope, just a number he didn’t recognize. He pressed the ignore button and looked back to Cass. 

“Dean, I know it’s hard for you to see now, but I promise that this is for the best.” Cass spoke quietly.

“Where are you going to go? I’m not letting you try to live in your car again.” He spoke.

“No, I’ve caused enough damage here; I’m going home. I should’ve never come here.” Cass spoke with a broken voice.

“What about school? Just move in with Charlie and Claire!” 

“Stop it Dean; even a fool could see that coming here was a mistake; my dad and aunt warned me but I ignored them like the idiot I am! Now please let go of my arm.” 

Dean dropped his hand in defeat and then Cass was gone. Just like every other thing in his life that he had ever cared for. His phone started ringing again. It was the same number. 

“Son of a bitch.” He muttered in exasperation, putting the phone to his ear.

“Hello?” He answered, his voice harsh. 

“Yes, is this Dean Winchester?” 

“Who’s asking?”

“This is Dr. Harville from Kansas City medical; I’m afraid I have some bad news. Your father was hit by a drunk driver last night; he passed away about an hour ago.”


	9. Lullaby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I love you Dean Winchester.” He repeated the words from earlier, and he fully meant it. Dean had done so much for him; it was his turn to do something for Dean. “I’m yours for as long as you’ll have me.” He promised. “No matter what happens; I give my word.” It wasn’t long after that that he drifted off to sleep; two lost wayward hearts beating as one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this ones so short, it just happened!

Castiel was heading down the stairs, his big suitcase thumping steadily behind him with every step he took. He pushed back the tears in his eyes angrily, wishing they would stop coming. He had some emergency funds that he could use to get back home. He’d need to pick up his cello from school and he had his car. Dean had insisted on paying for gas as well. He’d have to make sure to pay that back to. Setting his suitcase heavily in the trunk, he climbed into his small car and took one last look at Deans apartment, glancing up at the bedroom window.

“Goodbye Dean.” He whispered. It was early evening and the sky was cloudy again, threatening yet another snow fall. He stopped at the school and picked up his cello, then drove to the nearest gas station. It was only when he got up to the pump that he realized he didn’t have his wallet. He cursed under his breath. He knew exactly where it was; on the counter in Deans kitchen. Climbing back into his car he reluctantly drove back. Maybe he could get in and get out without being noticed; hopefully Dean was still in the bedroom; he didn’t want to have to confront him again.

He snuck in as quietly as he could and grabbed his wallet from the counter. All the lights were off, including in the bedroom, and it was eerily quiet. Maybe because it was so quiet, maybe he could just sense something was horribly wrong, or maybe it was just fate playing its part in his life once again, but he found himself peeking into the bedroom instead of going straight out the door. What he saw made his blood run cold.

Dean sat on the floor against the wall surrounded by a sea of broken glass from the dresser mirror beside him, which was now broken into a million pieces. What made him panic was the blood. Dean’s right fist was covered in it; as was most of his arm and the leg that his hand was resting on. He had lost quite a lot of blood already and it was still streaming from the cuts on his knuckles and fingers.

“Dean, what the Hell happened?” Cass exclaimed in a panic, running over to him. Dean didn’t respond, he was just staring ahead at nothing, and Cass wondered if he was in shock.

“Where’s your first aid kit? We need to get this wrapped up; you might even need stitches, I don’t know.” He was saying, examining Deans bloodied hand. To his relief, the cuts were large but not deep. Realizing Dean wasn’t going to tell him where to find any bandages, he ran to the bathroom and started searching himself. He found some under the sink and came back, wrapping his hand up tight after removing any fragments that were still embedded in the skin.

Cass figured he’d have to be pretty mad to punch the mirror like that. He took off his coat and set it on the ground next to Dean, sitting on it. Taking Deans face in his hands he pressed their foreheads together gently.

“Hey, come back to me; please.” He whispered.

“He’s dead.” Dean finally spoke up.

“Who’s dead?” Cass asked in confusion.

“My…dad. He’s dead, killed in a car accident.” Dean slowly blinked up at him.

“What are you doing here?” Cass stared at him for a minute.

He then remembered the phone call that Dean had ignored; that must’ve been someone telling him of his father’s death. The news of his father’s death plus Anna and him leaving…he realized then how selfish he had been. Dean was always thinking about the people around him while all he could think of was himself. He put his arms around Dean’s shoulders and hugged him tight, guilt washing over him.  
“I love you Dean Winchester, and I’m sorry; I’m not going anywhere.” He said in a broken voice. He felt a hand come reach up and touch his back lightly.

“I love you to.” Dean whispered. They sat there for what seemed like ages. Cass sat by him, with his arms still around his shoulders and Deans head lying against Cass’s neck.

“I don’t even know when the funeral is.” Dean spoke brokenly. Cass didn’t know what to say. Dean had never even mentioned his dad; he had no idea if they were even on good terms or not.

“You were close then?” He guessed, testing out the waters. Dean hesitated before answering.

“No.” Cass thought he’d better leave it at that for now. He glanced out the window at the now dark sky. The snow had started up lightly, and the streetlamp cast a faint glow into the room; which was filling up with soft darkness, the kind that lulls you to sleep at night. The sounds of the city were muffled by the snow and the whole scene had a surreal feeling to it. He breathed deeply in the silence. He noticed a branch lightly tapping against the window pain and it reminded him of a song his mom used to sing to him when he was really little, before she died. He started to sing softly without much thought.

Days feel harder, night grows longer  
Summer says it’s goodbyes  
Darkness covers, we find shelter  
Our own place to hide

Oh as the light goes out  
Thoughts turn to angels on the run  
Oh as the night comes in  
Dreams start there drifting and you hear  
A Lullaby, Lullaby, You and I

He could feel Dean relaxing in his arms, so he just kept on singing.

Trees touch windows, say their hellos  
Hear this house as it settles in  
Worry slips away it don’t know your name  
It don’t know where to find us

By this time he was pretty sure Dean was asleep. His breathing was deep and even, his face relaxed. He finished the chorus softly.

Dreams start there drifting and we hear

A lullaby, you and I, Lullaby.

He then kissed Dean gently on the head.

“I love you Dean Winchester.” He repeated the words from earlier, and he fully meant it. Dean had done so much for him; it was his turn to do something for Dean. “I’m yours for as long as you’ll have me.” He promised. “No matter what happens; I give my word.” It wasn’t long after that that he drifted off to sleep; two lost wayward hearts beating as one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is called Lullaby by One Republic if anyone is wondering and ya'll should look it up on youtube cause the music is beautiful; It's one of my favorites :)


	10. Morning Musings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He left a note for Cass and walked out to his car. When he got there he froze in his tracks, dropping his keys on the pavement in horror. The Impala’s tires had been slashed and were now completely flat; and the word slut had been keyed into the paint job all along the driver’s side door. He stood there for a full minute, trying to process what Anna, who else would do this, had done to his baby.

The vibration of Dean’s phone pulled him back to consciousness. His back was pressed painfully against the wall and he still wore his black AC/DC t-shirt and jeans from yesterday. He opened his eyes, looking around the room in confusion; trying to remember where he was and why he was there. Ignoring the phone, he stretched a bit, painfully cracking his neck. Man did he hurt from sitting on the floor all night. Looking to his left, he saw Cass’s coat spread out over the shards of broken glass that still littered the carpet and he struggled to remember what had happened the night before. Anna had caught them kissing, and then Cass had left. Then the phone call had happened; that’s right. The last thing he remembered was falling asleep to the low gruff sound of Castiels voice.

Suddenly worried that Cass had left after he had fallen asleep, he jumped up, wincing as he tried to use his injured hand to stand. Only then did he notice the bandages that were hastily wrapped around his fingers and palm; and he couldn’t help but smile. Going into the kitchen he found Cass standing at the stove with his back to him. He was wearing his usual comfy Sunday clothes, t-shirt and grey sweatpants; only Dean noted in surprise that it was one of his shirts. The smell of bacon filled the room, making his mouth water. Still half asleep and delighted that Cass was still there, he walked over and slid his arms around Cass’s waist, leaning his head on the back of his neck and inhaling his scent deeply. He felt Cass chuckle. 

“Well, good morning to you to.” 

“Bacon.” Dean mumbled; it was all he wanted to think about. Well, that and Cass. 

“Yes, bacon; but only after you eat your eggs.” 

“Yes mom.” Dean smiled softly against the short hairs on Cass’s neck. “You know you smell pretty good yourself; maybe I’ll just eat you for breakfast.” He mumbled, trying to distract himself from reality in the best way he knew how, physical pleasure. Cass dished some of the food onto a plate, moving a few feet with Dean still clinging to him.

“Dean, you can’t eat when you’re face is in my hair.” 

“Oh yea?” Dean whispered seductively. Cass turned around, but not without some difficulty. He noted that his face was flushed and his pupils were a bit dilated. “Bingo.” He thought.

“C’mon Dean, let’s get you some toast as well okay?” His blue eyes were looking anywhere but at Dean. He leaned in and started trailing kisses down Cass’s neck, biting him softly; that earned him a low groan from the other man. 

“Dean..the food will get cold.” Cass attempted in a small voice. Cass was holding his hands against Dean’s chest, pushing him gently. Dean didn’t know why he was trying to push him away; hadn’t they both wanted this for months? Part of him knew, of course, that he was just doing this to distract himself and not out of pure love, but he pushed the thought away stubbornly. His hands explored the curve of Cass’s sides and the gentle slope of his hips. Cass said something but he didn’t quite catch it; he was too distracted by the smooth warmth of his body. When his hand reached passed the waistband of Cass’s sweats, he was shoved away roughly.

“I told you to stop!” Cass exclaimed, glaring at him with a mixture of sadness and a twinge of fear. 

“What did I do?” Dean asked. Cass sighed and scooped the rest of the eggs and bacon onto another plate and took them over to the table, where he sat them down slowly. 

“I’ve just figured out something about you; that’s all.” He mumbled, sitting down and taking a bite of eggs. Dean sat down as well, wondering what he meant. He didn’t get the chance to ask, because Cass wasn’t done speaking.

“So what are you going to do about Anna? I think you need to figure that out before you start having sex with me, don’t you?” Dean almost dropped his fork.

“Okay, I get it; I’m sorry.” He sighed, putting the fork down and rubbing his face in his hands. There was a tense silence, and then he heard Cass sigh.

“No, I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to be so blunt about it. I just want to make sure you know what you’re doing, that’s all. I love you Dean, and I am extremely attracted to you, don’t get me wrong, but you weren’t you a few minutes ago, and it kind of scared me.”

Dean put his hands down, gazing at the man in front of him. No one had ever just stopped him like that; they had always been more than happy to help him forget reality for a few hours.

“Thanks Cass.” He smiled softly. “And really, I am sorry.” Cass smiled warmly. Dean picked up a stick of bacon and almost had it in his mouth before he was halted by Cass.

“Hey, what did I say; after your eggs!” Dean chuckled, wondering how he had gotten so damn lucky to find Castiel. His phone was buzzing yet again, so he checked it. It was Bobby. He had been there neighbor growing up, and him and Sam had spent most of their childhood at his house instead of their own. He had been more of a dad then John ever was to the boys, and Dean still thought of him as a father figure in his life. 

“Hey Bobby.” 

“Dean, finally; I’ve been tryin ta call you forever Dammitt.” Bobby drawled, his voice filled with worry.

“Sorry; things have been pretty crazy around here.” Dean replied lamely.

“You scared the Hell outta me son, are you okay?” Dean glanced at Cass, who was now shoveling eggs into his mouth eagerly. 

“Yea I’m good; you calling about dad?” He replied, smiling at Cass.

“So they did tell you then; I wasn’t sure. Then when you wouldn’t answer the phone I had no idea what had happened. Don’t you ever do that again, ya idjit!” 

“I really am sorry Bobby.” Dean apologized, thinking he sure was doing a lot of that lately. 

“So the funeral will be at 11am Wednesday, here in Lawrence. I understand if you ain’t comin, I just thought I outa let you know.” Dean swallowed thickly. Of course he didn’t want to go; he was downright scared of his dad, who had beaten him and his little brother more times than he could count. But he was his dad; and he had always felt guilty for leaving him.

“I’ll be there.” He spoke. Bobby gave him the address to the funeral home.

“How you been anyway? I never even hear from ya anymore.” Bobby spoke, sending yet another pang of guilt through Dean’s chest.  
“Good, the band is really starting to take off.”

“Well, good for you son.” They talked for a few minutes then said their goodbyes until Wednesday. After he hung up he finished his now cold breakfast, shoveling it into his mouth before anything else could interrupt him. Cass had finished already and was over at the sink, washing his dishes. 

“That was a family friend; the funeral’s Wednesday in Lawrence Kansas.” He spoke, not exactly sure why he was telling Cass.

“Are you really going? You said you weren’t close with your father.” Dean hesitated before replying. 

“Well no, I’m not. But he’s my dad; he’s blood you know?” He brought his dishes over. 

“It’s in Lawrence huh? If you want to get there by Wednesday you should probably leave tomorrow at the latest.” Cass was saying, taking Deans plate from him. 

“I can do my own dishes you know.” Dean mumbled but Cass ignored him.

“Are you going to talk to Anna before or after you go?” Cass asked, not looking up from the dishes.

Dean shrugged. Cass looked like he wanted to say a lot more, but he was glad that he didn’t. He didn’t know if he could handle it right now. He glanced at the clock on the stove that read 11:55am, wondering if he should stay here or go do…something; he wasn’t sure what. He ended up just standing there, leaning against the counter in silence as Cass finished the dishes. After he dried his hands he mumbled something about needing a shower, and left the room without looking at Dean once.

He stood there looking after him, at a loss of what to do. Normally he would offer to take a shower as well, but he didn’t think that would go over to well with the way Cass was acting. He was right of course; he needed to decide what he was going to do about Anna. No matter how much he hated it he needed to at least apologize formally to her and try to explain one more time why they couldn’t be together. Besides, he had a feeling that it was only after he closed things up with Anna that Cass would agree to a relationship. Just then he got a text from Joe.

Hey, we’re at the White Owl, you might want to get over here right away.

“Now what?” He wondered. He left a note for Cass and walked out to his car. When he got there he froze in his tracks, dropping his keys on the pavement in horror. The Impala’s tires had been slashed and were now completely flat; and the word slut had been keyed into the paint job all along the driver’s side door. He stood there for a full minute, trying to process what Anna, who else would do this, had done to his baby. 

“Son of a Bitch.” He muttered, walking up and running his hand across the scraped up paint. “Oh Baby no, I’m so sorry.” He whispered, hot anger quickly filling his chest. She knew how much this car meant to him. “That’s exactly why she did it.” He whispered. The bar Joe had mentioned was only a few blocks away and it wasn’t too cold today, so he headed there on foot. He was livid and planned to tear Anna a new one once he got there, but that fire was extinguished as he walked. Didn’t he kind of deserve it? He had played her, gone completely behind her back and lied to her for so long; of course she was mad. By the time he got there, he was just completely nervous. Taking a deep breath, he stepped through the door, not knowing what he would find inside.


	11. Happily Ever Never

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a marvelous few minutes Dean broke away.   
> “Does this mean you wanna be my boyfriend?” Cass chuckled, scooting into Dean’s lap and leaning his head in the crook of his neck.  
> “Yes Dean, that’s exactly what it means.”

As Dean stepped into the bar, he heard Benny’s heated voice from the far corner of the crowded stuffy room. 

“I’m just saying I think you need to think of his happiness before your own; isn’t that what loving someone is all about?”

“You clearly haven’t been listening to a thing I’ve been saying then.” Anna’s angry voice responded.

“Oh I heard you loud and clear; I just think it’s time you grow up and think of someone other than yourself for once.” They both stopped talking when they noticed Dean standing awkwardly by the door. Anna took one look at him and turned back to Benny.

“If that’s the way you feel, then I’m out; for good.” 

“Well then, don’t stumble on the way out.” Benny responded.

“Fine.” Anna snapped. Dean grabbed her arm as she strode passed him.

“Anna I’m sorr-“ but she didn’t give him a chance to say anything else.

“I’ll never forgive you.” She whispered, yanking her arm out of his grip, and then she was gone.

“Hey brother, what you doin here?” Benny called casually, leaning against the pool table. Joe and Adam were sitting down with drinks, looking like they were trying to be invisible.

“Hey.” Dean muttered, walking up to Benny. “What did Anna tell you?”

“Everything; but I already knew. I saw you two at the party.” Dean looked down, his face flushing. 

“I didn’t mean for any of this to happen, I swear. If she would’ve just given me a chance to explain..”

“Hey, no need to explain things to me. You know I’m behind you 100%. Besides, I’ve always thought that girl was crazy; never did like her much.”

“Yea, I know.” Dean replied with a smile. 

“But I do want to know about this Cass fellow; when did you even meet him?” Dean ended up telling Benny everything as they played a game of pool, and by the time he had caught his friend up on recent events he was feeling much better about life. Anna was gone and he didn’t have to worry about her anymore, and it felt good.

“Yea, so I go to head here after Joe texts me and she had freaking slashed my tires and key’d my car!” 

“What a bitch; you are well rid of her, just sayin.” Benny replied with a whistle. “You know you’re going to have to formally introduce me to Castiel, right?” 

“Well duh, he’s gotta meet my family.” Dean grinned. Then he added more softly “and you don’t care that he’s a guy?” He didn’t think Benny would have a problem, even though he wasn’t aware that he was into guys, but he just wanted to make sure. The last thing he wanted was to make his best friend uncomfortable. 

“Shit man, I think everyone should be able to be with the one they love, no matter who they are.” Relaxed and at peace, Dean ended up staying most of the day with Benny, Joe and Adam; having some much needed time with his adoptive family.

***

After Castiel got out of what had turned into quite a long shower, he threw on a long sleeve sweater and jeans and walked back into the kitchen. He wasn’t quite ready to face Dean again but wasn’t exactly sure what else to do. Noticing the note on the counter he read it with a frown. 

Okay, this is good; he’s probably talking to Anna. He told himself. He tried to do some homework but couldn’t seem to focus. The events of the morning were running through his head and refused to stop. It wasn’t that he had found the way Dean was touching him unpleasant; far from it actually, but it was way to forward for him. He had never even been intimate with anyone, boy or girl, and when Dean had ignored his pleas to stop he had gotten a bit scared. He hadn’t seen Dean act like that before, and he wasn’t sure if he was quite ready for it yet. Whether Dean would understand that or not was another matter entirely. 

“Uhg, why am I even allowing myself to think like that?” He scolded himself. “He’s been gone over three hours, which probably means he’s patched things up with her and they’re…” he threw down his pencil in frustration, giving up on his homework for now. He got his cello out and started to play, not really caring what came out. He just needed some kind of distraction from his thoughts. He found himself playing the version of Hey Jude they had made up together and stopped playing, even more angry now that he couldn’t even escape Dean through his music. 

Finally he just put everything aside and sank down on the couch, turning on Netflix and trying not to think about how much the cushions smelled like Dean. He couldn’t help glancing at the clock every now and then to see how long Dean had been gone though. Four, five, then six hours passed, and by the time he heard Dean come in, he was huddled in a ball on the cushions clutching at Deans blanket and in complete despair. 

“I’m hooome!” Dean sang; he sounded happier then Cass had ever heard him. “Hello?” Dean called when Cass didn’t answer. He didn’t want to hear about how he and Anna were madly in love again, or how they had spent the afternoon. He felt Dean appear behind the couch.

“There you are, did I wake you?”

“No.” Cass replied, sitting up. “Get a hold of yourself Cass, you’re not five.” He scolded himself. Dean must’ve sensed his anxiety though because his wide grin quickly disappeared. 

“Hey, you alright?” Cass smiled halfheartedly, not wanting Deans smile to ever go away, no matter how unhappy he himself was with the situation.

“Yea, just a bit tired; so how’d it go?” Dean sank down beside him, not close enough, Cass thought.

“Eh, Benny pretty much took care of it for me; it’s over. She left the band.” Dean explained with a shrug.

“Huh?” Cass exclaimed in confusion. “What do you mean over?” 

“I tried to apologize again, but she left.” Cass tried to not show the excitement that was fluttering around in his chest like a bird trying to get free. 

“Oh, what were you doing all day then?” 

“I spent some time with the gang; man was it nice to be with them without Anna looming over me the whole time. Oh and Benny wants to meet you, hope you don’t mind.” Cass couldn’t hold back his smile.

“Of course it’s fine; they’re practically your family aren’t they?” Dean chuckled.

“Yea.” Then just as quickly his smile disappeared. “Ah Shit.” Cass gave him a questioning tilt of the head. “My car, I can’t take it to Kansas tomorrow; Anna slashed my tires.” Dean remembered in despair.

“She what?!” Cass exclaimed, outraged. 

“I know it pissed me off as well; I couldn’t believe she’d do something like that. I don’t have the money to replace them right now; even if I did by the time I got them on I’d be too late.” Dean spoke, his voice getting more strained the longer he talked. Not thinking about it, Cass spoke up. 

“Well we’ll just have to take my car then.” Dean looked up at him. 

“What about school?” Cass shrugged. 

“Your father’s funeral is more important than a couple days of school Dean. Besides, I can make it up easily enough.” 

“Are you sure?”

“I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t.”

“Ah man, I can’t thank you enough; you have no idea how much this means to me.” Dean said, leaning in and giving him a tight hug. Cass melted into him with a sigh of contentment. They lingered, and Cass could tell Dean was fighting with himself about something. Cass leaned back and gently pressed his lips to Deans. He was so happy, Dean was HIS; completely. He deepened the kiss when he noticed Dean’s hesitation, letting him know that he was okay with this. After a marvelous few minutes Dean broke away. 

“Does this mean you wanna be my boyfriend?” Cass chuckled, scooting into Dean’s lap and leaning his head in the crook of his neck.

“Yes Dean, that’s exactly what it means.”


	12. Road Trip Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I want you Castiel.” Dean growled, pulling at his jeans. Cass’s heart hammered against his rib cage as he whispered into Dean’s ear.  
> “Then take me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand this is where it gets a bit smutty; nothing to crazy, but there will be more in the future, promise. ;)

Cass was humming to himself, lost in the music that existed only in his mind at the moment. Dean sat in the passenger seat with a butt load of papers surrounding him. 

“Okay, what key was this in again?” Dean was asking, frowning down at the sheet music he was attempting to write on.

“A Major, remember?” Cass replied impatiently. “The movement starts on the A, just the high strings and winds, and then the low strings come in on a low chromatic pattern.” Dean had been attempting to help Cass with some of his homework since Cass was the one driving. His words when Cass had asked if he could write music had been:

“Of course I can write music; I write my own songs for the band all the time!” But he was seriously reconsidering his offer now. 

“Low strings….on the A…what the Hell man.” He muttered in frustration. “When I told you that I could write music, I didn’t think I’d be writing a symphony.” Cass chuckled.

“What else did you think it would be?” Dean looked so adorable when he was flustered and angry, he couldn’t help it. Dean was wearing a green plaid button up with a black shirt underneath, and aviators to keep out the bright sun that was reflecting off of the newly fallen snow around them. His brow was knit in concentration and he was chewing lightly on his pencil as he gazed down at the mass of sheet music.

“You were doing so well, now just add in some instruments, it’s easy!” Cass encouraged, earning him a glare from his boyfriend.

“Chromatic….what the Hell is Chromatic?” They had gotten up at 5 am and had been on the road by 6am. With the exception of two bathroom breaks and lunch, they had been driving the whole day, and were both getting a bit tired. “Where are we anyway?” Dean asked before Cass could answer his first question. 

“Almost to Cedar Springs; the hotel I looked at is just across the border in Richmond, Indiana.” 

“I’m starving.” Dean moaned.

“Dean, you’ve practically been eating none stop the whole day, most of the snacks we brought are already gone!” Cass exclaimed, motioning to the wrappers strewn about the front seat. 

“Yea, snacks; snacks aren’t burgers, they don’t fill you up. What we need to do is find a good burger joint.” 

“Well then, get your phone out and find us one; and while you’re at it look up the directions to the hotel in Richmond.” Dean dug his phone out, grumbling to himself.

“Boy does he get hangry.” Cass thought in amusement. 

“What’s up with this?” Dean spoke angrily. 

“Now what?”

“They have like, no originality here; just Applebee’s, a bunch of fast food joints and something that’s famous for their mini burgers.” Cass squinted his eyes in disgust.

“What’s the point of having burgers if they’re not loaded enough to make you have a heart attack then and there?” He said. When Dean didn’t respond he glanced at the passenger seat to find him staring at him in disbelief, his mouth slightly agape.

“What?” Cass asked, wondering if he had something on his face.

“I never thought I’d hear that out of someone else’s mouth; you are definitely my soul mate bud.” 

“Are you kidding; red meat is my weakness.” He replied with a chuckle. Dean leaned over and planted a wet kiss on his cheek. 

“And I love you that much more for it.” 

“Oh, I see how it is; what would happen if I told you I hated meat? What if I was a vegetarian, would you love me then?” Cass teased. Dean shook his head.

“That wouldn’t be possible.”

“And how do you know that?”

“Cause I wouldn’t attract someone like that.” Dean responded. Cass snorted.

“You find anything yet Mr. Navigator? We’re getting pretty close to the exit.” 

“Uh, let’s just go to Applebee’s I guess; at least they have pie.” 

***

After dinner they went over the border into Richmond Indiana to the cheapest hotel they could find. The only rooms available had only one bed, but Cass didn’t mind. Dean had slept in the bed with him last night, and he had found it to be quite enjoyable.

“I’m so freaking tired!” Cass sighed, falling on his back onto the grungy looking bed. He glanced around the room, his limbs splayed like a dead man. “The walls are green; why are they green?” He mumbled.

“Trust me; this is actually pretty good; I’ve had a lot of experience with crappy hotels.” Dean responded, setting the suitcases in their place. Cass stared up at the ceiling, wanting to ask something but a bit afraid to because of what had happened the last time. 

“So when did you come to new York?” He ventured.

“Uh, it was probably about three years ago now.” Dean responded, pulling off his button up and pants so he was only in his boxers and black t. The t-shirt was pretty snug on him, giving Cass a pretty good idea of what was underneath. 

“Where were you before that?” He asked, gaining confidence. Dean plopped down by him, propping himself up against the headboard. 

“A lot of places; Manhattan is actually the place I’ve been in the longest, not counting Lawrence of course. I left home when I was seventeen, never went back; till now.” He trailed off. By this time Cass was feeling pretty daring, so he pressed on. 

“Because of what happened with your brother?” Dean didn’t respond right away.

“Partially; mostly I just couldn’t stand my dad anymore. He always blamed Sammy for my mom’s death just because she died giving birth to him; and then he blamed me for Sam’s death after he drowned. Only that one he had been right about.”

“Dean.” Cass spoke, scooting so his head was in Dean’s lap and he could reach up and stroke his face. “If I know a thing about you, and I do, you would’ve done everything you could to save your brother. Sometimes bad things just happen, and we can’t do anything about it.” 

“Did you just quote the Lion King to me?” Dean smiled, reaching down to plant a kiss on his lips.

“Shaddup.” Cass replied, pushing his face away. Dean’s hand was stroking through his hair and he closed his eyes, humming in pleasure at the sensation. 

“What about you? What’s your story?” Dean spoke softly.

“Eh, it’s pretty boring. My mom passed away as well when I was 6 from a type of skin cancer. I have seven brothers and one sister; I’m the second to the youngest.”

“Wait, so you have eight siblings; and you’re still alive?” Dean asked in surprise. 

“It was a mad house for sure.” Cass laughed. “My parents were strict Roman Catholics, so they decided to name us all after angels, which is how I got my name. Michael is the oldest, then Lucifer, Raphael, Gabriel, Balthazar, Bartholomew, Samadriel, me and Hannah.”  
“Wow, how do you get all their birthdays straight?”

“I don’t; I really only have contact with Hannah and Gabe. They’re the only two that would talk to me after I came out when I was sixteen.”

“That’s a pretty big deal, especially in a Catholic family; you’re pretty awesome for standing up for yourself like that.” Cass smiled sadly.

“Well I don’t know about that. I love my brothers; I would love to be on good terms with all of them, but I also need to do what makes me happy, you know?” Dean nodded.

“Oh yea, I know. For the longest time I stayed with my dad despite the beatings and the verbal abuse because I wanted to be loyal to him. I was his son so I needed to do everything he said; at least that’s what he fed me while I was growing up. But when I turned seventeen, about a year after Sam died, I don’t know. It was like there was nothing keeping me there anymore, and I realized the only reason I had stayed was for Sammy. So I left; been on the road ever since.”

“I don’t know, you’ve stayed in New York for quite awhile now.”

“Yea.” Dean spoke. “Just to find you and keep you from killing yourself two times over. I still can’t believe you thought it was a good idea to walk home at 1 am in the dark alone.”

“Yea, not one of my brightest moments for sure.” Cass chuckled, reaching up to stroke Dean’s cheek again. He leaned into his touch. “My hero.” Cass muttered.

“That’s what Batman does; he saves people.” Dean spoke with a little smirk. He leaned down and kissed Cass’s nose, then each of his eye lids, exploring every inch of his face before settling on his lips. Cass felt an intense warmth building in his groin, but also mixed with it, a twinge of anxiety; which he tried his best to ignore. He loved Dean, he wanted him, and he was HIS. He wanted to mark him as such and he didn’t want a distant one time memory to ruin this moment.

Dean’s hand found its way into his shirt, exploring his chest, stomach and sides and leaving a tingling sensation wherever it went. Cass licked deep into Dean’s mouth, tasting every part of him he could reach and earning a low moaning growl from the other man. Gently pushing Dean’s head back, he sat up and pulled his shirt over his head, then climbed into Dean’s lap in a straddling position. Dean’s eyes were exploring every inch of his bare skin as he worked Dean’s shirt off as well.

“Fucking beautiful.” Dean whispered, sliding his hands down Cass’s sides.

“I could say the same thing about you.” Cass whispered into his ear before gently nibbling. Dean leaned into Cass’s chest and took one of his nipples in his mouth, gently biting and pulling while pinching the other with his hand. Cass gasped at the sensation, his desire growing tremendously; but to his annoyance so was his anxiety. A memory he had suppressed long ago was tugging at his mind, and he put all his efforts into pushing it back so he could enjoy the sensations that Dean was drawing from his body. He busied his hands, running them through Dean’s hair and down his back, up his torso, kissing along the side of his neck. 

“I want you Castiel.” Dean growled, pulling at his jeans. Cass’s heart hammered against his rib cage as he whispered into Dean’s ear.

“Then take me.” Sitting back, he let Dean undo his pants and pull them down and off his feet so now the both of them were just in their underwear. Dean, who seemed to be more than happy to fulfill his invitation, pushed him back so he was lying flat on the sheets, legs on either side of Dean’s waist. He tried so hard to just enjoy his touch, but as soon as he felt his hand gripping his hardening erection through his boxers his heart rate tripled. 

“No, not now.” He thought, trying to get a hold of the growing buzzing in his ears. He tried to speak, to tell Dean to stop, but he was frozen, just like that day so long ago when his priest at their church had called him into his office and had ordered him to take all his clothes off. He was overwhelmed by the memory and heard himself cry out, though he didn’t know what he said. Those hands were all over him, and then the priest had raped him, and it was painful and humiliating and he had never remembered it more vividly before.

***

Dean couldn’t believe this was happening; that he’d actually get to share himself with Cass was unreal, and when Cass had told him to take him he hadn’t needed to ask twice. But he stopped short when without warning Cass yelled for him to stop. Alarmed at the urgency of his voice, he practically jumped off of him, wondering if he had somehow hurt him. Cass was clutching at his face with his hands, tears streaming from his eyes. He stared at the ceiling, but Dean knew that wasn’t what he was seeing, and his breaths came in short rapid gasps.

“Another panic attack?” Dean wondered, pulling him into his arms and wondering what had brought this on. 

“Nonono.” Cass was saying over and over softly, sobbing and shaking.

“Shhh…you’re gonna be just fine; just breathe with me; you’re safe, I’ve gotcha.” Dean murmured, doing what he had done in the alley all those nights ago. This time seemed different, it was worse, and no matter what he did he just couldn’t get him calmed down.

“I don’t-want to-go to Hell.” Cass gasped, his eyes were still wide open and Dean was thinking that maybe he should call 911. 

“Cass, you’re not going to go to Hell; you’re safe, I promise.” He whispered, pulling out his phone. Then slowly his breathing started to even out and he relaxed a bit in Deans arms. 

“D-Dean?” Cass stuttered, his eyes finally focusing on Deans face.

“Yea, it’s me; I’m here, you’re safe. I’m not gonna let anything happen to you.” Dean replied in relief, setting his phone aside.

“He said if I didn’t let him that I wouldn’t be clean, that I would go to Hell when I die. I don’t want to go to Hell.” Cass sobbed. Dean hugged him tightly. 

“You’re not going to Hell, I promise.” He whispered. He held him until Cass had cried himself to sleep; wondering what in the world had happened to bring this on.


	13. Road Trip Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m not that cold.” Cass spoke, leaning into him and giving him a peck on the lips. A gruff voice hollered from the house, interrupting there moment.  
> “Hey, you two love birds gonna come in or what?” Dean laughed.  
> “Well damn, secrets out now.” Cass gave him a mock glare, reaching up and pulling Deans beanie over his eyes.

The sun rose earlier than Dean expected, and he turned over in the bed, trying to avoid the rays of the rising sun hitting him in the eyes. He shivered at the cold space where Cass should’ve been. Sitting up and rubbing his eyes, he noticed Cass was already up and had just about everything ready to go.

After Cass had fallen asleep Dean had gently tucked him into bed and turned out the lights, not knowing what else to do. But he lay awake for a long time, thinking about what Cass said about if he didn’t let him do it he’d go to Hell. The best he could figure was that Cass had been raped at some point; probably early in life if he believed the sick bastard that had done that to him. He had to fight back the anger that threatened to engulf him the more he thought about it. Eventually he had fallen asleep, but his dreams offered no escape. It hadn’t been the normal nightmare though; this time someone was dragging Castiel away from him, and although Cass was screaming his name and he fought with all his strength, he never could get to him.

“Hey, I could drive a bit today if you want.” He offered as they packed up the rest of their things in the trunk. Cass shook his head.

“No that’s okay; thanks though.” He wondered how much sleep Cass had actually gotten. Judging by the dark bags under his eyes, it couldn’t have been very much. He noted with concern that Cass’s eyes were red and a bit swollen, as if he had been crying, but he didn’t dare interrupt the solemn silence that hovered between them.

“Is music okay?” He finally asked after they had been driving for about an hour. Cass shrugged.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” He put in his Queen tape and hummed along, trying to not think of where they would be in about 5 hours. He didn’t realize he was dozing until the sound of Cass’s voice woke him gently.

“Dean, I’m sorry but we’re almost there and I don’t know where Bobby lives.” Dean hastily wiped a small trail of drool that had escaped his mouth and straightened the maroon beanie that he had been wearing. When he had told Bobby that they were both coming, he had insisted that they stay with him. He wondered how to bring up that Cass was more than his best friend as they passed the “Welcome to Lawrence” sign.

Looking around, he realized he recognized more than he thought he would. The school, the shops, and the park. He could’ve named who lived in half the houses they drove by. Only that had been eight years ago, who knew how much had changed since then. I bet they wouldn’t even know me anymore. He thought.

He wondered how many people would even be at the funeral. Everyone had known that John was the town drunk, and not a lot of people took kindly to him.

“You really haven’t been back since you were seventeen?” Cass spoke up, breaking into his thoughts. Dean shook his head. “Any one you want to see, or anywhere?” Dean didn’t respond right away. Bobby wasn’t the only one that had been pleasant to him and Sam; there was there teacher, Ellen Harville, and sheriff Jodi Mills had helped them numerous times. Unfortunately she never could legally get them away from John.

“Nah, I’m tired and hungry, let’s just go to Bobbys’.” He replied.

“So Bobby was like a father to you and your brother; I’m excited to meet him.” Cass said, attempting a smile. Dean could tell that he was pushing his own thoughts and emotions aside, probably for Dean’s sake.

“Cass, you don’t have to pretend to be happy if you’re not you know.” He spoke.

“I know.” Cass replied.

“Are we going to talk about last night at all?” He ventured.

“Not today.” Cass shook his head with finality. Dean sighed, studying the man in the driver’s seat as he gave him directions. He was wearing a white sweater with a black shirt underneath. He had fixed his hair that morning, and Dean had to resist the urge to reach over and ruffle it up the way he liked it. It was another sunny day, and dark sunglasses were hiding his ocean eyes; Dean wished he wasn’t wearing them. If anything could calm his nerves it would be losing himself in those blue depths. Just then they passed an old gravel driveway that led about a quarter of a mile up to a group of trees. Dean knew what was hidden in those trees, and he quickly looked away, swallowing thickly.

“Right here.” He instructed as they pulled up to what looked like a car graveyard.

“A junkyard?” Cass asked doubtfully. Dean chuckled.

“It’s passed here; he owns a bit of an auto repair shop, taught me all I know about cars. He’s the one who I got my baby from.” Cass smiled.

“Oh, I see. I wondered why you love that Impala so much; made me a bit jealous on a number of occasions.”

“Really?” Dean asked, drawing a laugh from Cass. Man he loved that laugh.

“Why would I be jealous of a car Dean?”

“Hey, ever since you decided to pick up sarcasm I can never decide when you’re being serious or not.” Cass smiled mischievously.

“That’s the point.”

“You’re such a little shit.” Dean replied with a smirk.

“I know.” Cass replied happily as they pulled into Bobby’s driveway. “But you love me anyway.” Then an idea popped into Dean’s head. Instead of just telling Bobby about him and Cass, why not just show him?

“Wait.” He spoke as Cass’s hand went for the door handle.

“For what?” Cass laughed as Dean jumped out of the car and ran around to the driver’s door. He opened it and held out his hand like a gentleman. To his pleasure Cass was blushing as he climbed out. Dean wrapped his arms around Cass protectively, more for his comfort than for Cass’s.

“Dean, what if he see’s?” Cass whispered.

“Am I not supposed to tell my dad I have a boyfriend?” Dean asked.

“I-I didn’t know if you still wanted to be, after last night.” Cass stuttered into his shoulder. Dean took Cass’s face in his hands, pulling off those annoying sunglasses so he could see his eyes. The sun made them shine like light over rolling water.

“Why in the world wouldn’t I want to still be with you?” He asked softly. Cass was looking at him with wide eyes.

“I-because I’m not-“ Dean pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“If you’re not ready to talk, you’re not ready. Don’t feel pressured okay?” Cass nodded shyly. “Now let’s get out of this cold, shall we?”  
“I’m not that cold.” Cass spoke, leaning into him and giving him a peck on the lips. A gruff voice hollered from the house, interrupting there moment.

“Hey, you two love birds gonna come in or what?” Dean laughed.

“Well damn, secrets out now.” Cass gave him a mock glare, reaching up and pulling Deans beanie over his eyes. They walked up to the door and Dean gave Bobby a big hug.

“Oh, it’s so good to see you boy.” Bobby spoke, squeezing his shoulders.

“You to Bobby.” Dean replied earnestly. Despite the grim circumstances that had brought them together, he had been secretly stoked to see him again.

“And who’s this?” Bobby asked, pulling away to take a look at Cass.

“I’m Castiel Novak, It’s so nice to meet you Mr. Singer.” Cass spoke politely, offering his hand. Bobby glanced back at Dean and huffed out a laugh. Taking Cass’s hand he pulled him into a hug as well. Dean had to snicker at the surprise on Cass’s face.

“Where’d you find this one, Julliard?” Bobby laughed.

“In a bar actually.” Dean laughed. “But he’s going to Julliard.”

“Seriousy? For what son?” Bobby asked.

“Composition and cello performance sir.” Cass replied.

“Well Hell, good for you; and its Bobby, not sir alright?” Cass nodded, looking a bit nervous.

“yes s-Bobby.” He corrected.

“Maybe this is just wishful thinking, but do I smell pie? You didn’t cook did you?” Dean asked hopefully.

“Hell no; Ellens here ya idjit.” Ellen came out of the kitchen just then, wiping her hands on her blue apron.

“I reckon if this old man tried to cook he’d set the whole house on fire.” She teased.

“Ellen!” Dean exclaimed in surprise.

“So you do remember me then? It’s good to see you.” She pulled him into a tight hug.

“Cass, this is my old school teacher, Ellen.” He introduced when she pulled away.

“Nice to meet you as well.” Cass smiled, catching on and giving her a hug.

“Hope you boys are hungry, dinner’s waitin. You still like apple pie as much as I remember?” Ellen asked.

“You have no idea.” Dean grinned.

***

Castiel marveled at the amount of food in front of him. The last time he had seen this much food was back home before he had left for New York. He didn’t say much during dinner, he was content to just watch Dean as he interacted with Bobby and Ellen. Apparently he hadn’t been aware that the two were together.

“Why didn’t you tell me on the phone?” Dean was asking.

“Eh, we decided to surprise you.” Ellen smiled, giving Bobby a look.

“We didn’t realize you’d have a surprise of your own.” Bobby said, motioning to Cass. “How long you two been together?” To his relief, Dean answered before he could.

“Officially, a few days actually; but it goes back to September.”

“Well, congrats.” Ellen said with a smile. “Any friend of Deans is a friend of ours; he hasn’t gotten you into too much trouble I hope? This boy was a little devil in the classroom.” Ellen teased, winking at Dean.

“Actually I think he’s the one keeping me out of trouble ma’m.” Cass replied with a smile.

“Why is that so hard to believe?” Bobby put in, barking a laugh. After they ate dinner they both helped clean up.

“Well, we have two rooms for you boys, but if you’re more comfortable, you can share one; they’re both twin beds I’m afraid.” Bobby explained as they finished up the dishes.

“Its fine, I think we can survive sleeping in different rooms for one night.” Dean laughed, and Cass nodded in agreement, although his heart fell a little.

That night he lay in the small bed, staring up at the ceiling deep in thought; the images from last night coming back to haunt him. He had been woken up not long after his episode by Dean calling his name. He reassured him that he was right there, before realizing Dean was asleep. He wasn’t dreaming about his brother anymore, he was dreaming about him. After Dean had calmed down, he had taken a walk, trying to get the feeling of the vision from his attack to go away, but he hadn’t been able to; now that he remembered it fully it was etched perminatley into his mind. He ended up spending most of the early morning in the bathroom trying to get a hold of himself. This trip was not about him, it was about Dean. He came to be there for Dean, and that was what he was going to do. No wallowing in self pity.

Just like last night, the feeling of cold bony hands groping him came back, and he curled up into a ball, trying to shut it out. After about an hour he finally gave up and snuck to Dean’s room. He was sprawled out on the bed with one leg hanging over the edge, snoring softly. Cass climbed under the covers next to him, well, more of on top of him since there wasn’t much spare room to work with. Dean seemed to automatically comply, shifting so they both lay on their sides facing one another. Cass hugged him close, wrapping his legs around one of Deans and snuggling into his bare chest. It was only then that he found sleep, relaxed and safe in Deans embrace.

 

 


	14. Road Trip Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn’t know what possessed him to say it, but he asked Cass to pull into the driveway. As they pulled up to the old, broken down trailer home, so many memories were flooding into his mind; very few of those memories had been good here. There was the old oak tree, the field, the workshop, the truck everything was exactly like the day he had left; and as they parked the car he was pulled unwillingly into another memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I promise I'm still alive and I'm sorry I haven't posted in forever! School started and I've just been crazy busy, but I'm going to try my best to at least post a chapter a week, if not more.

Dean woke to his alarm blaring annoyingly in his ear, and he rushed to turn it off.  He lay on his back looking up at the ceiling; and for one second almost forgot where he was and what he was doing. 

_That’s right; Bobby’s, and the funeral, it’s gonna be a sucky day._ He sighed.  There was quite a large pressure on his right side and he noticed his left arm was pinned, cutting off most of his blood circulation.  Turning his head he found Cass laying halfway on top of him, his head nestled into the crook of his neck, and he smiled warmly.  He must’ve come in sometime during the night.  At that moment he was almost glad that Anna had slashed his tires; otherwise he’d be all alone right now.  Almost glad anyway, hurting his baby was still too much of a crime for him to be happy about it. 

He gazed at the slumbering figure next to him, thinking that he looked so peaceful in his sleep.  Reaching out his right hand he lightly touched his long lashes.  They needed to get up so he could be on time to help; he could already hear Ellen and Bobby moving around downstairs.  Kissing Cass gently on the nose, he whispered “Good morning sunshine; time to get up I’m afraid.”  Cass groaned in response, scrunching up his face and burrowing even further into Deans neck. 

“I gotta go help set up, but you can stay here and sleep some more, okay?”  He wanted Cass to come with him of course, but if he didn’t want to he wasn’t going to force him.  Cass just grunted into the pillow as Dean pulled his numb arm out from under him, shaking it to get the blood pumping.  He leaned in and pressed one more kiss to Cass’s dark bed head, then sat up on the edge of the bed facing the window. Before he could push himself to his feet, the sight of the junkyard outside pulled him into a strong feeling of nostalgia.

He could almost picture Sam and him running through the cars as kids, playing everything from cops and robbers to Batman vs. Superman. Bobby told them repeatedly not to play in the junkyard, that it was too dangerous and they were gonna get hurt.  He was right of course, there games always ended in a scraped knee or a bruised wrist, but whose childhood didn’t have a few scrapes and bruises?  It was all part of the fun. 

It’s interesting how just the sight of a specific color, or a certain smell can change your thought process so dramatically.  His gaze fell on an old ridiculously green ford and his thoughts started to darken. He recalled the night that Sam had hid from him in one of the cars.  It took forever to find him, and when he did Sam burst into tears, saying how he didn’t want to go home.  That they should just stay at Bobby’s forever.  Not knowing what else to do, Dean had just sat and held him until he stopped crying.  He forgot how old they had been at the time….

A deafening _thwump_ from behind him, loud enough to make the floor shake, shocked him out of his day dream.  Jumping up and spinning around in alarm, he noticed Cass had disappeared from the bed.  There was a mumbled “ow” and Cass appeared sitting up on the floor.  As what had happened dawned on him, Dean couldn’t hold in his laughter. 

“Did you really just roll off of the bed?”  He chortled, hiding his face in his hand. 

“Our bed’s a lot bigger, I forgot.”  Cass explained sheepishly, sitting back on the edge of the bed and rubbing his head.  He looked so damn adorable, all flustered and disheveled, drowning in one of Deans over sized t-shirts.  He felt all his dark nostalgia floating away from his mind.  Still chuckling, he walked to the bathroom, pulling out his suit from his suitcase. 

_Should’ve hung it up last night._   He thought, frowning at the wrinkles in the fabric. 

“Did you hear what I said about going early or did you block that out to?”  He called from the bathroom, slipping out of his clothes and turning on the shower for it to warm up. 

“No, I heard.  Of course I’m coming with you; I want to, I mean.” 

He thought about how much he wanted Cass to join him in the shower, but he didn’t dare ask.  They still hadn’t talked about what had happened in the motel and he didn’t want to push anything.  Nevertheless he couldn’t help the small pang of disappointment when Cass didn’t come in to join him.

***

The funeral was small and quite short.  Dean said a few words out of respect, but that was pretty much it.  Cass held his hand basically the whole time, which he was extremely grateful for; it helped ground him.  The people that gave them judgmental looks could go jump in a lake for all he cared.  And during the viewing if people asked who Cass was he didn’t hesitate to let them know exactly who he was to him.  He recognized some people, some he could put names to, others he couldn’t, it was all extremely surreal to him.  Especially the moment he finally made himself look at the man laying in the casket.  He was definitely older than he remembered, more worn out looking.  After Dean had left he had buckled down even more on the alcohol, probably because he didn’t have anyone to beat up anymore.  He didn’t look at him long.

In the cemetery, as they all stood around the casket that was to be lowered into the ground, Dean tried to think of anything but why they were there.  He found his gaze settling on the small white marble headstone next to his dads.  Mary Winchester, his mom, was buried there.  He didn’t have many memories of her, he was only 4 years old when she had died, but what he did remember were the feelings of intense love and comfort he always had felt around her. He wished that he could have gotten to know her more.

***

Afterwards they said there goodbyes and he got into the car even before Cass did.  He was still talking to a lady Dean recognized but couldn’t quite put a name to. 

_Probably should’ve asked._   He thought.  Of course, he probably should’ve done a lot of things different in his life, so what did it matter?  He shrugged his suit jacket off and leaned his head back against the head rest, closing his eyes.

“Sorry, she wouldn’t stop talking.”  Cass apologized about fifteen minutes later. 

“What did she was want anyway?”  He asked, stretching a bit. 

“She found out that I was going to Julliard and she’s studying vocal performance, so she wanted to know all about what it is like. 

“Mm.”  Dean hummed in response, turning his gaze out his window.  They sat in silence for awhile, and then Cass reached over and took his hand in his. 

“You wanna talk?”

“Not really.” 

“Do you want to go back to Bobby’s now?”  Dean nodded absently, his words getting lost somewhere amidst the lump in his throat.  It took awhile for him to notice that they were not heading to Bobby’s at all, but going in large circles around the town. 

“I thought we were going back to Bobby’s?”  He asked.

“We are.”  Cass’s voice sounded strained, and looking over at him he saw that his brow was knit in concentration. 

“Cass, if you’re lost, just tell me.”  He chuckled.  Cass sighed.

“I didn’t want to bother you; it’s just, it’s snowing again, and everything looks different.  I thought that I could find it myself, but apparently not.”  Dean’s heart swelled a little bit at his thoughtfulness, and he gave him directions back to Bobby’s house. 

Soon they were driving passed the long stretch of driveway with the grove of trees at the end again.  He didn’t know what possessed him to say it, but he asked Cass to pull into the driveway.  As they pulled up to the old, broken down trailer home, so many memories were flooding into his mind; very few of those memories had been good here.  There was the old oak tree, the field, the workshop, the truck everything was exactly like the day he had left; and as they parked the car he was pulled unwillingly into another memory.

 

_It was dark and the living room smelled heavily of cigarettes and tobacco. The T.V was on, showing some sort of football game, and his dad lay on the couch, watching the screen absently; a half empty bottle of whiskey dangling from his hand.  Sam was in bed, and Dean was sitting on the floor, about six years old at the time._

_He just had a question, that’s all.  He just needed to ask a simple question, but when he spoke his dad exploded, jumping up and chucking the bottle at the wall. It shattered with a deafening crash, sending bits of glass flying everywhere.  Before he could even think, there was a crushing pain against the side of his face where his dads fist sank into his temple and he hit the wall behind him hard._

_His dad was yelling curse after curse at him, but it all sounded muffled; like if someone was shouting at you from across a football field.  The next thing he knew he was being picked up by his wrists, feet dangling, and being hauled to his and Sam’s room._

_“Crap, stay away from Sammy!”  He thought in a panic.  The door was flung open and he was being tossed onto the bed.  The force of it sent him crashing into the wall behind the bed so hard that he left a dent in the drywall.  Sammy was crying, his dad was screaming, and all he could think was how much his head hurt…_

 

“Dean, Dean; Dean are you alright?”  Cass’s concerned voice pulled him out of the memory, making him jump.  As his surroundings came back into focus, he realized that Cass was standing on his side of the car, the door open, and was staring anxiously at him. 

“When did you get over here?”  He asked, and then noticed his own face was covered with tears; when did that happen? 

“You spaced out and wouldn’t answer me, then you just started crying and shaking; you scared the Hell out of me.”  Cass spoke, his warm hand resting on Deans cheek.

“I-I’m sorry; I don’t know what happened.”  He explained truthfully. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”  Cass asked.  Dean shook his head.  “Dean, I saw you back at the viewing; you hardly would look at your dad.  You get all somber whenever he’s brought up; something is up.”

“So?”  Was all Dean could muster to say.  Cass stared at him with those impossibly blue eyes, some stray snowflakes clinging to his dark hair, and sighed.  He shut the door and returned to the driver’s seat.

“So was this your house then?”  He asked when he had gotten back in.

“Yea.”

“How old were you when your mom passed?”

“Four.”

“That must’ve been hard on your family, especially your dad.”  Before Dean could stop it he made a disgusted noise. 

“He didn’t deserve my mom.”  He mumbled.  There was a silence.

“Was he abusive to you?”  Cass finally asked.  After considering his answer, Dean spoke.

“He liked to blame everything on me and Sammy, yea; I got knocked around some, it’s no big deal.” 

“I see.”  Cass’s hand appeared on his again.  He didn’t pry, he didn’t say anything else about it, just offered silent support; and for the thousandth time that day Dean thanked God that he was here with him.


	15. Angels Among Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m gonna be so sore tomorrow.” Dean spoke as they skated, slipping a bit on the ice but regaining his balance quickly. Cass spun around in front of him, pressing himself into the front of Deans coat and wrapping his arms around his waist.
> 
> “Will it be worth it?” He asked with a shy smile. It had started to snow a bit, and a few snowflakes had gotten caught in his long eyelashes, complimenting his bright blue eyes. 
> 
> “Hell yes.” Dean muttered, pressing a deep kiss to Cass’s lips

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaaack! After much debate, I decided that I needed to finish the story before posting the rest, so you guys don't have to wait forever for the next update. It just so happens that I finished just in time for the holidays; the next chapter being near thanksgiving as well. It's most definitely fate. So for real now, I'll be posting at least a chapter a week, if not two. We'll see how patient I can be.

The next couple of weeks leading up to Thanksgiving Cass didn’t see Dean much.  Dean was busy rehearsing for his upcoming concert, and he was busy doing the same.  His end of the term performance was nearing, and the closer it got the more nervous he grew.  For his song he had chosen Edward Elgar’s Cello Concerto in E minor and would be accompanied by an orchestra, in Carnagie Hall, in front of all those people….

He shook himself out of those overwhelming thoughts and went over the music again, marking and highlighting all the spots that he needed to work on.  The sounds from the practice rooms around him were muffled, almost nonexistent.  Sighing he picked his bow back up and started going through a particularly difficult stretch of measures.  He had been practicing for 3 hours already, but you could never be too careful; besides, professionals practice 8 to 9 hours a day he had heard, so he needed to get used to it.  

Not five minutes had gone by when someone knocked on the window, making him just about poke his eye out with the bow and swearing loudly.  His scowl quickly turned into a smile when he saw Dean grinning at him from the small window on the door. 

“You almost made me lose an eye genius.”  He teased as he let Dean into the room with him. 

“The door was locked, what else was I supposed to do?”  Dean replied as he promptly stole Cass’s glasses off his head and put them on himself, sitting on the bench of the piano and striking a pose.  “What do you think?”  he asked, crossing his legs and putting his fist under his chin in a thinking position. 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/45765250092/in/dateposted/)

“I think you’re a goof.”  Cass laughed, trying to snatch his glasses back, but Dean dodged him.  “C’mon, I can’t see my music without those.”  Cass complained, trying and failing once again to get his glasses back.

“Not until you give me an answer.”  Dean spoke with a mischievous smile.

“To what; you haven’t even asked anything!”  Cass sighed, trying to look annoyed.

“Oh yea; will you go out with me tonight?”  Dean asked.

“Will I go out with you tonight.”  Cass repeated, chuckling a bit.  “I don’t know, I’ve heard you’re a pretty dangerous guy; I don’t know if I’d feel safe.”  He said in a mock serious tone.

“Aw c’mon, I don’t bite….well, I won’t bite you if you don’t want me to anyway.” 

Cass openly laughed at that.  “What did you have in mind?”

Dean stared at him for a second, looking unbelievably sexy in his glasses.  “Uh, I guess I hadn’t gotten that far yet.  How bout window shopping, that’s something couples do right?  And it’s almost thanksgiving so all the Christmas stuff will be out.  How bout you meet me at my place at 7 and we’ll have a night on the town.”

“Alright, only if you leave me in piece to practice though.”  Cass spoke.

 Dean got up.  “Okay okay; geez, musicians are so grumpy sometimes.” 

“Hey mister, you know you’re a musician too right?”  Cass replied.

“Is that what I am?”  Dean spoke, moving to take the glasses off, but Cass leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips before he could get to them. 

“Did I ever tell you how sexy you look in glasses?”  He whispered against Deans lips before pulling away and snatching his glasses back; leaving Dean looking a tad stunned.  “Alright, let this grumpy musician practice another hour or so and then I’ll see you at your place okay?”  He spoke when Dean just stood there, looking like a dog who had just gotten his toy stolen away from him. 

“Alright, see ya in a bit then; but I expect you to make up for leaving me hanging like you just did there.”  Dean said, going to the door. 

“You better be careful then, because unlike you; you never know when I’m gonna bite.”  Cass teased, winking at Dean. 

“Hell man, that’s just cruel.”  Dean smiled, opening the door. 

“You know you love me.”  Cass replied with an impish grin.

“Yeah yeah, whatever.”  Dean spoke as the door closed.

Cass turned back to his music still smiling.  He had never been able to joke like that around anyone but Dean, and man was it fun.  He couldn’t wait until the hour was up so he could go out with his boyfriend, (he still was trying to wrap his head around the word) and he found himself playing the parts he was struggling with almost flawlessly as he continued his practice.

 

***

 

“Dean, we should go ice skating; I haven’t done that in years!”  Cass exclaimed in excitement as they were walking hand in hand down the busy streets of Broadway. 

“Ice skating, really?  Don’t you wanna keep on window shopping?”  Dean asked.  He had tried ice skating once….it hadn’t gone so well, and he had told himself he would never try it again.

“We’ve been walking around for almost an hour, I want to do something else.”  Cass replied, giving him a sad puppy dog look.  The lights from the stores made his icy blue eyes shine, and Dean found he couldn’t say no to the guy.

“Alright, let’s go.”  He sighed, and Cass excitedly drug him through the crowds towards an outside ice skating rink.  It was right in the middle of all the sky scrapers but somehow seemed to fit into the scene of the city.  Every one of the trees around them were glittering with Christmas lights even though Thanksgiving was still a few days away.  One huge pine stood out from all the rest, looming over the skating rink and glittering in all its glory as some sort of Christmas choir song played in the background. 

“It’s so beautiful!  I’ve never been here during the Holidays.”  Cass spoke as a wide smile split his face.  Deans heart swelled at the sight of joy on Cass’s face.

They paid and got their skates, and Dean nervously laced his up, wondering how he should break the news that he couldn’t skate worth shit to the man next to him.  “So you skate a lot then?”  He asked casually.

“I wouldn’t say a lot, but we went a fair bit when I was younger and I’ve always enjoyed it; almost feels like you’re flying, you know?” 

“Uh, try crashing.”  Dean replied.  Cass looked at him.

“You don’t like ice skating?” 

“I didn’t say that.”  Dean said quickly, seeing Cass’s face fall a bit.  “I just…am not the best at it; actually I kind of suck.”  He confessed.

Cass laughed.  “Well, here’s your chance to learn then; c’mon, I’ll help you.”  He stood up and offered his hand to Dean, which he took hesitantly.  As soon as he stepped onto the ice he knew he had made a mistake.  He clung to the railing on the side, thinking how idiotic he must look right now.

“Relax Dean, you look like you’re afraid for your life.”  Cass chuckled, skating circles beside him. 

“Maybe I am.”  He retorted, concentrating on keeping his feet under him while trying to move forward.  Cass stopped at the side of him that wasn’t plastered to the wall and took his hand. 

“It’s just like walking; like this.”  He demonstrated, pulling Dean along with him slowly.  Dean copied what he was doing with his feet and slowly but surely started to get the hang of it.  After a couple of minutes he was doing better than he ever had done.  “See, you’re already doing it.”  Cass smiled. 

“Don’t let go.”  Dean mumbled.

“I won’t, but let’s get you off of this wall.”  Cass spoke, and before Dean could protest Cass was pulling him away from the safety of the railing and out into no man’s land. 

“Cass I’m not ready!”  He yelled.  Losing his rhythm he started to fall; Cass grabbed his waist to try and save him but ended up going down on top of him as Deans flailing feet knocked his out from under him.  He found himself on his back, his butt slowly but surely freezing to the ice below him, with Cass’s face not even an inch from his.  Cass laughed, sending little puffs of hot air onto his cheeks and soon he joined in.  Two idiots laying in the middle of the ice laughing their heads off. 

“Do you guys need a hand?”  A lady in a poufy black coat and hufflepuff scarf asked after a minute, skating over to them.

“Thank you.”  Cass spoke, letting her help him up.  “I’ve got this guy.”  He said, motioning to Dean, still sitting on the ice.  The lady smiled.

“You guys are adorable by the way.”  She spoke before skating off.

“I think my ass is permanently frozen to the ice, no joke.”  Dean spoke as he took Cass’s hands. 

“Whatever you big baby.”  Cass teased, pulling him to his feet.  After another ten minutes or so Dean finally got the hang of it and they were skating hand in hand around the rink, talking and laughing. 

“I’m gonna be so sore tomorrow.”  Dean spoke, slipping a bit but regaining his balance quickly.  Cass spun around in front of him, pressing himself into the front of Deans coat and wrapping his arms around his waist.

“Will it be worth it?”  He asked with a shy smile.  It had started to snow a bit, and a few snowflakes had gotten caught in his long eyelashes, complimenting his bright blue eyes. 

“Hell yes.”  Dean muttered, pressing a deep kiss to Cass’s lips.  After a few seconds Cass broke away.

“I love this song!”  He grinned.  Dean smiled over at him, loving how beautiful Cass looked with the lights of the city and trees behind him, making an almost halo around his head. 

“Alabama huh; I thought you only listen to classical music.”  Dean teased.

“Oh hush, of course that’s not all I listen to; classical is just the best kind is all.”  Cass winked at him. 

As they started skating again Dean found himself listening to the chorus of the song.

 

Oh I believe there are Angels among us

Sent down to us, from somewhere up above

They come to you and me

In our darkest hour

To show us how to live, to teach us how to give

To guide us with the light of love.

 

And he couldn’t help think that Cass was the angel that had been sent here just for him; as cheesy as that might sound.  As he listened more to the song, he thought it actually was a pretty good representation of how Cass had saved him.  Just then Cass looked over at him. 

“What are you looking at?”  He asked.  Dean considered his answer, smiling at the halo of light surrounding him.

“I think I might be looking at an angel actually.”  He replied.  This time it was Cass’s turn to trip over his feet, but Dean made sure to pull him close before he started to fall.

“Careful, we wouldn’t want the angel to fall.”  He joked.  Cass just looked into his eyes for a long moment.  He looked like he wanted to say something but nothing was coming out. 

“I don’t know about you, but I can’t feel my toes; should we call it a day and head home?”  He asked, saving Cass from having to say anything.  He nodded gratefully. 

 

***

 

It was almost midnight by the time they got back to the apartment and Dean could already feel the soreness in his muscles from skating for so long.  They took turns in the shower, and Dean threw on some boxers and climbed into bed alongside Cass, who was sitting up with his back against the headboard, looking deep in thought.

“You’ve been awfully silent ever since we left the skating rink, are you okay; did I say or do something?”  He asked.  Cass had been almost completely silent the drive home and he wondered if he was out of line calling him his angel or something.

“What did you mean, calling me an angel?”  Cass asked.

“Oh that; I’m sorry, was it out of line?”

“No, of course not; I’m just confused.  I don’t know how you could see something like that in me I guess; I’m a very….imperfect broken person after all.”    He spoke, looking down at his hands.

“Dude, you have no idea how messed up I was before you came into my life, especially when I got here.  The band definitely helped, but there was still this gaping hole in my life, no matter how I tried to fill it.  No drink, song, not even Anna could fill me up; it was like a dark void inside of me.  Then this nerdy, cello playing dork in a trench coat showed up out of the blue and wormed his way into my heart.  You’re my angel Cass; thanks for saving me.”  Cass’s face went totally red, and Dean chuckled a bit, leaning over and pressing a kiss to his forehead.  “I love you.”  He whispered. 

“I love you to.”  Cass spoke in a small voice, leaning in to kiss him on the lips.  Before Dean knew it they were both a mess of limbs, each trying to get as close to the other as humanly possible.  He wanted to grind against Cass’s leg so bad, but he didn’t want to push him.  As if to confirm his fears, Cass stopped and just hugged him, burying his head in the crook of his neck. 

“I’m sorry Dean, I want to; I just can’t yet.”  Dean felt something wet on his skin and realized Cass was crying.

“It’s okay, I understand.”  He assured, even though the aching in his groin would say otherwise.  “Whenever you’re ready okay?”  Cass nodded against his neck and took a steadying breath.  Knowing how much Cass loved it when he sang to him, he started to sing the song that had been stuck in his head ever since they were at the ice skating rink. 

 

They were so many faces

Show up in the strangest places

To grace us with their mercy

In our time of need.

 

Oh I believe there are Angels among us

Sent down to us, from somewhere up above

They come to you and me

In our darkest hour

To show us how to live, to teach us how to give

To guide us with the light of love.

To guide us with the light of love…..

 

“Goodnight angel.”  He whispered when Cass’s breath evened out.  He snuggled down further into the covers and held Cass as close as he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song in this chapter is "Angels Among Us" by Alabama if you didn't know it already. :)


	16. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I hate myself so much, but I can’t even kill myself cause I’m afraid to find out where I’ll end up.” Cass whimpered.
> 
> Look Cass, I don’t think you’re going to go to Hell; you’re do damn soft for that, but if you do, rest easy knowing that I’ll be there with you okay? I’ll protect you, like I always have; I believe we can get through anything as long as we’re not at each other’s throats. I have never had any sort of faith; hell, this is the first time I’ve ever stepped into a church, but I have faith in us, so don’t give up on me now, please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I say this a lot I feel like, but this is seriously my favorite chapter of the whole thing. Enjoy and please tell me what you think!

Castiel sat in class, trying his best to not fall asleep and instead listen to what his Professor was saying.  The last few days he had been up late into the night practicing, and then like clockwork, would get woken up at about 4am by the nightmare of being raped by that damn priest.  He didn’t know why it was beginning to be a reoccurring dream once again, but it was; and it didn’t help that Uriel had been being even more pushy than usual over the last few weeks.

Uriel had been after him since the day that he got here; more so since he learned he was gay.  He had tried his best to avoid the lovesick man, but it was like he was stalking him. 

_Actually he probably is._   He thought as he felt his eyes drooping once again.  That got him a poke in the ribs from Charlie, who was sitting next to him.  He sent her a silent thank you for keeping him awake all class and tried to put everything but theory and annotation of dynamic key’s out of his head; he failed horribly. 

“Hey, you okay; you’ve been acting like a zombie for 4 days now.”  Charlie asked after class as they were packing up for the day. 

“Yea, I’ve just been practicing too much; I’m so worried for the end of term concert, you know?  I just want to make sure I have it down pat; and it doesn’t help that I’ve been having stupid dreams lately.”  He explained, stifling a yawn. 

“Oh good, I thought it was something more serious.”  Charlie grinned, sounding relieved. He gave her an inquisitive look.

“What did you think it was?”

“I thought you and Dean were having problems.”  She confessed.

“Oh.” He replied shortly, turning his attention to zipping up his backpack. 

“You…aren’t, are you?”  She inquired.

“No, we’re fine.  I’ve gotta get to the practice rooms before they all fill up; see you later Charlie, and thanks for keeping me awake!”  He called over his shoulder as he practically bolted out the door.  He thought about how he and Dean had been lately as he journeyed to the other side of the building.  How distant Dean had seemed, how quiet; but every time he asked about it he would just shake his head and say he was fine with the most fake smile plastered to his face.  But it was last night that had especially worried him.  He had waited what seemed like forever for Dean to come to bed, but he never did; and when he walked out to the living room to see what was going on he found him fast asleep on the couch.  No explanation, no nothing.

_Are we having problems?_   He wondered to himself as he picked up his cello and found an empty practice room at the end of the hall.  _Guess I wouldn’t know if we were anyway, since he won’t speak to me._   He thought bitterly as he set up his stand and got out his cello to practice.

***

His phone alarm went off 3 hours later, telling him it was 11:00pm and Dean would be here soon to pick him up.  He tiredly put everything away and took off his glasses, rubbing his face with a big sigh.  He wondered how tonight would go.  Would Dean sleep on the couch again; would he get woken up once more by that hellish nightmare? 

As he put his cello away and started to walk down the long dark hallway towards the exit, he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand straight up.  He looked around him cautiously, wondering what that was all about.  He tried to get rid of the uneasy feeling, but it only grew larger as the memory of getting mugged a few months ago resurfaced in his mind, and he started to walk faster, wishing Dean were there.  He pulled out his phone and was about to call him when he collided with another person who had just appeared from around the corner, knocking his phone out of his hands.  He scrambled to catch it before it could hit the floor but the guy he had run into was quicker.  He started to mutter a thank you, but it died on his lips when he saw who it was.

“Whew, that was a close one; sorry about that.”  Uriel smiled, handing him his phone. 

“Uriel, you startled me.”  Cass sighed.  _Great, now I’m gonna have to deal with him until Dean shows up._   He thought.  “Well, I was just heading out.”  He tried, stepping around the taller man.

“Me too, let’s walk together.”  Uriel spoke, jogging to catch up with him.  Cass stayed silent, inwardly fuming with annoyance.

“So have you given any more thought to my offer?”  Uriel asked, referring to what must have been the third time Cass had turned him down yesterday. 

“Uriel, I already told you; I’m seeing someone else right now.”  He tried to make his voice calm, but it came out a bit exasperated anyway.

“I know, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t be friends right?  I wasn’t asking you OUT out, I just wanted to hang out as buddies; what’s wrong with that?” 

Was he really this dense; Cass thought he had made it pretty obvious that he didn’t want anything to do with the guy, and he couldn’t believe he was still trying.  They reached the double doors and he looked out hopefully, but didn’t find the 67 Chevy Impala anywhere; Dean wasn’t here yet. 

“Well?”  Uriel pressed.  Right, he was still waiting on an answer.

“I told you, I don’t have time; I’m booked trying to get caught up on homework and preparing for the end of semester concert.  And when I’m not doing one of those things, I’m either eating, sleeping, or hanging out with my BOYFRIEND.”  He explained, putting emphasis on the word boyfriend. 

“Well, why don’t we go out to eat sometime then; I know a great place, just down on…”  But then Cass lost his patience.

“Uriel I’m sorry, but I just would really rather not hang out with you okay?”  He stated, turning to look out the window and wishing the guy next to him would just disappear.  He didn’t mean to be so harsh, but he really had made it clear; plus he was stressed and sleep deprived.

Uriel was silent, and for one moment he thought he had finally gotten through to him; then he was being shoved up against the wall, his arms pinned tightly against the wall on either side of his head. 

“What the Hell!?”  He yelled, struggling; but Uriel was almost twice his size. 

“Castiel, I’ve loved you ever since I saw you the first day of classes, and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let you get away.”  Cass wondered if he ever brushed his teeth, the reek of his breath made him want to gag.

“Uriel, let me go or so help me I will report you.”  He spoke, trying to sound way more brave than he felt; but he could feel himself locking up and going numb, his heart pounding so loud he was sure that the whole world could hear it.

“Don’t worry, you’ll change your mind about everything after this.”  Uriel spoke, and then he attacked his face with his tongue, trying to force his way into his mouth which he kept firmly closed.  He knew he should fight back, his mind was screaming at him to do _something_ , but his muscles were frozen in shock.  If he opened his mouth to call for help he would get a mouth full of tongue.  He couldn’t help it and a small whimper escaped him, Uriels tongue was forcing it’s way into his mouth and he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to fight the growing panic in his chest as Uriel practically mouth raped him.

Uriel removed one of his hands from his arm and he willed it to move, to push the son of a bitch back, but he felt so numb.  The hand was going up his shirt, touching places that only Dean was allowed to touch; but it wasn’t until the hand slipped down the front of his pants that he found he could finally move.  He kicked the bigger man as hard as he could in the crotch with his knee and shoved him away with his free hand.  While Uriel was trying to recover he ran out the double doors, pulling out his phone and pressing Deans name.  He didn’t answer, so he just started to run down the street, glancing back to see if Uriel was following; to his relief he wasn’t and he slowed to a walking pace before he could slip on the ice and crack his head open.

He wasn’t sure where he was going, if he was headed in the direction of Deans apartment or not, all he knew was that he had to get away from Uriel.  He must have jumped three feet when Dean pulled up beside him and honked his horn. 

“What are you doing Cass; I know I’m late but that’s no reason to start walking.  Besides, you’re headed the opposite way of home.”  Cass stared at him for a second, trying to register what he had just said.  “Hey, you alright?”  Deans brow furrowed a bit in concern.

“Y-yea, m fine; it’s just cold as shit.”  He mumbled, shaking himself out of it and climbing in to the passenger’s seat. 

“Well here, let me warm you up.”  Dean smiled, leaning in and kissing him deeply as he was pulling on his seat belt.  He shoved him away. 

“Not now.”  Was all he could get out as he clicked the seat belt into place. 

“Cass, it’s just a kiss; since when did you not want me to kiss you?” 

“Well, since when do you sleep on the couch instead of in bed?”  He shot back without thinking.  Dean stared at him for a moment, then sighed.

“Is that was this is about?” 

“Oh, that’s what this is about?”  He repeated in a mocking voice.  “So just cause I don’t feel like kissing you, I’m suddenly throwing a tantrum, is that right?”  His heart was pounding and the blood was rushing to his head in anger by this point; he was so mad, at everything.

“Okay look, if you wanna talk about this right now then stop tearing at me and listen.”  Dean frowned at him. 

“Okay, I’m listening.”  Cass spoke tersely, folding his arms across his chest. 

Dean glanced down at them and his frown deepened.  “Look, we’ve been together for almost four months now, and you still haven’t talked to me.” 

“Uh, isn’t that what I’m doing right now?” 

“No I mean really talked to me, about what happened when you were younger.”  Deans voice was like thin paper. 

“So?”  He spat.  Why the Hell was he bringing this up?

“So, I would have thought that you would trust me enough to talk about that kind of stuff by now.  I love you Cass; but you’re still withholding so much from me.  It’s like I’m walking on glass around you.  I’m constantly asking myself if I’m going too far, is this touch okay, is it okay to do this, and I just don’t think it’s fair.”  His eyes stayed fixed on the steering wheel as he said this.  Cass stared at him, he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.  Dean finally looked up at him.  “I slept on the couch because I didn’t think you would want me to sleep with you, and until we can talk about this and figure out a way to work through it, I thought I’d keep my distance.” 

“So what you’re saying is that if I won’t let you fuck me that you don’t want to be together, is that it?” 

“No, that’s not at all what I meant, don’t twist my words.  I’m just saying-“  but Cass interrupted

“You’re missing Anna a bit right now, aren’t you; cause of course _she_ didn’t have a problem getting in your pants.  _She_ would fuck you whenever the hell you wanted right?  Why is it all about sex; that’s all it’s ever been about.  People go around saying that they’re in love with someone’s personality and they couldn’t give a rats ass about how they look, but at the end of the day what really counts is how good you are in bed.  Well I’ve got news for you, that’s not how it is for everybody!”  He was yelling by now; he felt hot tears on his face and that made him even more angry.  He didn’t want to be here, he didn’t want to be anywhere near anyone right now.  So he flung open the door and started to climb out before realizing that he was still buckled. 

“Cass, what are you doing?”  He ignored Dean and unbuckled himself, climbing out into the slushy pavement. 

“Since I’m not gonna be your little whore, I thought I’d save you time and energy and just leave now!”  He yelled and slammed the door as hard as he could.

***

Dean sat in stunned silence, watching Cass walk away from the car.  He slipped once, but caught himself just in time; then turned and kicked the ice apart with his heel angrily before continuing on his way.  He wasn’t sure what had just happened; and Cass hadn’t even given him a chance to really explain.  Honestly he was mad as hell himself right now, and part of him wanted to leave the son of a bitch and just go home; but the bigger part of him knew he couldn’t do that.  The guy was a magnet for trouble, and if he left now something bad was bound to happen to him.  So he turned off the engine and climbed out of his car to follow him. 

He followed him to a big Catholic Cathedral; he had no idea there was one around here actually.  It almost seemed like Cass had been here before, the way he found it so quickly.  Cass disappeared through the big double doors and Dean stopped on the steps, wondering if he really should just leave him alone and go.  Cass’s words rang through his head.

_“At the end of the day what really matters is how good you are in bed.”_ And _“I’m not gonna be your little whore!”_ How in the world did he get that out of what he had said?  Something else was going on, and he was gonna go find out what it was.  He briefly wondered why he was so nervous as he entered the church, and then realized that this was the first time he had ever been inside one.  He had never gone as a kid, and had never had a reason to go as an adult.  He remembered Cass telling him how his family was staunch Roman Catholic, so he had probably grown up in places like this. 

Looking around at the high vaulted ceiling and the stained glass windows above the pews, he couldn’t help but be impressed.  They sure knew how to decorate, that’s for sure.  He felt a twinge of concern when he didn’t see Cass anywhere, then heard something at the far left of the room where what could only be the confession booths stood.  One of the doors was closed, so he climbed in the other side, closed the door, and sat down facing towards where he knew Cass was sitting on the other side.

“Cass, what are you doing?”  He asked, and he really did wonder.  He thought he hated churches, so what was he doing seeking comfort in a place that he hated? 

“None of your damn business.”  Every word seemed to drip with venom; he was pissed.

“Actually it is; you see, I happen to care about you, whether or not you want to fuck me.  Even though you were kind of a dick back there, I still love you and want to help.”  It was silent for so long he started to wonder if Cass had fallen asleep or something.  “So what are you doing Cass?”  He asked again.

“What people do in confession booths, what else?”  Finally, an answer.

“What do you need to confess?”  It was silent for awhile again, and then a small trembling voice said “everything.” 

Dean’s heart hurt for the amount of pain in that voice.  “What’s everything?” 

“I never told anyone.” 

“Told anyone what?”

“He said if I told anyone that he would make sure I went to Hell, but not even he knew.” 

“What didn’t he know?”  Dean asked.  Loud sobs choked the air on the other side of the curtain.

“I don’t know why, but it…it felt…good.  This stupid son of a bitch was raping me and it hurt like Hell, but it also felt good!”

This is not what Dean expected, but totally made sense.  “Of course it felt good Cass, that’s nothing to be ashamed of; it’s your body’s natural reaction.  It doesn’t mean you enjoyed it at all, it means that bastard just knew where to touch.”

 “I got older and I realized that what he did was wrong, that I wasn’t going to go to hell if I had told him no, but now everyone was telling me that if you have sex before you’re married then you WILL go to hell, and I realized I had let him do that, and I had enjoyed it, and that I’m damned; and there’s no way to undo it.  It’s all my fault.  And even though I’m going to Hell anyways, and I love you, I still can’t give you the one thing that you’re asking me to give because I have a fucking panic attack whenever I try!  You’ve helped me in so many ways, you gave everything for me, and I can’t even give this one thing to you.” 

Dean sat in shock, trying to process all he had just been told. 

“I _hate_ myself so much, but I can’t even kill myself cause I’m afraid to find out where I’ll end up.”  Cass whimpered.

Dean chose his next words carefully.  “Do you think I’m going to go to Hell then?” 

“What; no, of course not.”

“I had sex with Anna and I wasn’t married to her; and I’ve had sex with plenty of people before her.  So if what you’re saying is true, that means I’m going to Hell right alongside you, right?” 

“N-no, that’s different…”  his voice faltered.

“I don’t see what’s different.  Look Cass, I don’t think you’re going to go to Hell; you’re do damn soft for that, but if you do, rest easy knowing that I’ll be there with you okay?  I’ll protect you, like I always have; I believe we can get through anything as long as we’re not at each other’s throats.  I have never had any sort of faith; hell, this is the first time I’ve ever stepped foot in a church, but I have faith in us, so don’t give up on me now, please.”  His voice broke a bit on the please and he cursed himself for it. 

He heard the creak of Cass’s door and then his door was being flung open and he found himself being smothered as Cass jumped into his lap and threw his arms around his neck, burying his head under Deans chin.  “I’m sorry Dean, I didn’t mean what I said back in the car.” 

“I know.”  Dean reassured with a small smile, embracing him and threading his hands through Cass’s hair.  “That’s why I’m here.” 

“Uriel kissed me.” 

“he WHAT?” 

“I was waiting for you and he was trying to get me to go out with him again.” 

“Dude, you’d think he’d take a hint.”  Dean exclaimed in exasperation. 

“I finally told him that I didn’t want anything to do with him, and he pinned me against the wall, said I’d change my mind, and kissed me.” 

“And you told him to go to Hell, right?”  Dean growled, hot anger boiling up inside him.

He felt Cass smile against his neck.  “I kicked him in the nuts and ran.” 

“That’s my boy.”  Dean smirked.  “So that’s why you were walking then; it all makes sense now.”  He looked back on it, Cass’s anger totally made sense.  He had just got done getting out of an uncomfortable situation only to hear Dean want to talk about having a physical relationship.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?”  He asked.

Cass shrugged.  “I honestly am not sure.  I guess I was still in shock, and then you kissed me and…the conversation went a different way.”  They sat in silence for a few minutes, Dean closed his eyes and felt the gentle thrumming of Cass’s heart against his chest, the soft puffs of air on his neck, it was so calming.

“I do want to have a physical relationship with you, I promise.”  Cass spoke after a few minutes.

“I know; how about we take it slow, one step at a time; does that sound okay?  If you’re not giving the okay, then I don’t go any further.”  He suggested.  Cass nodded against his shoulder.

“Okay; I love you Dean.” 

“Love you to, Cass.” 

Just then there was a creak of a door being opened and they both jumped.  Cass lifted his head and it collided with Deans chin, making him bite his tongue. 

“Shit, I’m sorry.”  Cass apologized.  “Are you okay?” 

“Yup, m fine.”  Dean grimaced, making sure his tongue wasn’t bleeding.  Then a man in a priests garb appeared.  The horror on finding two men on top of each other crammed in a confession booth was clearly evident on his face.  He was so old, Dean was afraid that he was gonna have a heart attack right then and there. 

“Uh….hi.”  He greeted with an impish smile, not really knowing what else to say. If looks could kill, he’d be burning in Hell three times over. 

“What is the meaning of this!  Two men…and in God’s Holy House….I can’t….GET OUT!”  he screeched like a banshee, and Cass practically flew off of Deans lap, taking his hand and dragging him out; a firm smile plastered to his face; why was he smiling?  “GET OUT!”  The priest shrieked again and to Deans surprise Cass started to laugh.

“Cass?”  He asked, a bit concerned.  The priest glared at him.  “Are you so far passed saving that you laugh in the midst of all this devils play?”  Dean was about to respond but Cass beat him to it. 

“Full offense Father, but Fuck you!”  Cass said, flipping the priest off.  Then drug Dean, both of them laughing now, out of the Cathedral.


	17. A Dance And A Concert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cass secretly marveled at the heated silence all around him, knowing that he would break that silence in a few seconds as he raised his bow, lowered it, and played. It was a wonderful start; solid and elegant, not one note out of place. He gained more and more confidence as the song progressed and he closed his eyes and smiled, tears filling his eyes with gratitude for the reality of what was happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two songs in this chapter! The first is "This Time" by Jonathan Rhys Meyers. He sings it in "August Rush". The second is the one Castiel plays, "Edward Elgers Cello Concerto in E minor, Opus 85 + Sospiri Op. 70 Sol Gabetta & DRSO"; a portion of this is also played in August Rush LOL. Cass plays the shortened version though, not the whole 30 minutes. Here's the link to both of the songs on YouTube if you wanna hear (which I totally recommend you do)
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvTy8GqPKsg
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nN0E6AupTBw

  _One more time._ Cass thought as he finished playing his end of term piece for what had to be the twentieth time.  He was in his practice room at school, and had been there since 10 that morning.  It was now almost 6pm.  He had it down to a t, he was ready; but still….it was tomorrow night.  He set down the cello and stood to stretch a bit before continuing.  The fingers on his left hand hurt like Hell, and they had never been so red and swollen before.  He wouldn’t be surprised if he accidently cut them on his strings at this point.  But everything he had worked for, the success of the rest of his schooling here was riding on his performance tomorrow night.  He couldn’t afford to make ANY mistakes, and if that meant practicing until his fingers bled then so be it.  Stretching his arms once more, he sat back down to go over it yet again, when there was a knock at the door and Dean let himself in to the practice room.

“Hey Mozart.”  Dean greeted, setting down a brown Wendy’s fast food bag on the piano bench beside Cass, then sitting down on a chair himself.  “Thought you could probably use some food; you haven’t eaten today yet, yea?” 

“You know, we’re not supposed to have food in the practice rooms.”  Cass spoke even as he set his cello back down to eat. 

“Eh, what they don’t know won’t hurt them, right?”  Dean shrugged.

Cass hadn’t realized how hungry he was until he smelled the fried food, and he practically inhaled the cheeseburger and fries Dean had gotten him. 

“Hey, let me see your left hand.”  Dean spoke suddenly as Cass was finishing off his fries. 

“Why?”  Cass asked around the food in his mouth.

Dean didn’t explain, just grabbed his hand and studied his swollen fingers with a frown.  “How long have you been in here?”  He asked as Cass yanked his hand back.

“I was all caught up on my classes, so I just decided to use the time practicing today.”  He mumbled. 

“So you’ve been here all day?  You’re not going to be able to play at all tomorrow if you keep pushing your hand like that you know.” 

“Dean, I HAVE to do well tomorrow, you don’t understand.”  Cass argued, setting the empty bag aside and picking up his water bottle. 

“You’ve practiced enough Cass.  You will mess up if you’re so unsure about this; have some confidence in yourself.  You play the cello like Yo Yo Ma for fucks sake, you’re good.” 

“I know I have it down; but it doesn’t hurt going over it a few more times.”  Cass sighed.

“Take a walk with me, then maybe we can come back and practice some more, okay?  You at least need a break.” 

Cass sighed, frowning at Deans worried face. 

“I suppose fresh air would be good.”  He spoke hesitantly. 

Dean visibly relaxed and he smiled.  “Here, let me put that away for you.”  He spoke as Cass was getting his case. 

“Where should we walk?”  He asked as they put his cello away and headed out, hand in hand.  Dean shrugged.

“Doesn’t matter to me, as long as I’m with you.” 

Cass chuckled.  “You realize how corny that sounded, right?” 

“I can be corny if I want, now c’mon.”  Dean replied, leading him down the street towards Lincoln Square.  It was a cold snowy evening and light tufts of snow were floating down from the heavens; puffy little cotton balls sticking to Castiels coat, scarf and fuzzy hat.  Sometimes he still couldn’t believe that he was actually with Dean.  Here in New York, with his love and doing what he loved the most.  He was living his dream truly, and he had never been so happy.  He glanced at the face of his love and smiled. The lights and noise from the city around them seemed to make a symphony, lifting his heart ever higher.  He chuckled at the way the snowflakes clung to Deans long lashes.  They didn’t even have to speak; both were just content with the others presence. 

They walked until they reached the performing arts Center where Castiel would be playing the next night.  They both stopped in front of the fountain.  It was lit all lit up, adding a soft glow to the scene.  A huge Christmas tree full of blue stars made up the backdrop.

 

 

“Hey.”  Dean spoke in a quiet voice.  “You promise to remember me?  When you’re all big and famous?”

Castiel looked at him with a smile.  “Hmm…I don’t know, I’ll be pretty busy you know.”  He chuckled when Deans brows came together and he gave him a worried frown.

“Hey, I’m kidding!  I could never forget you, even if I wanted to.”  He reassured, reaching up to stroke Deans cheek with his thumb.  His skin was warm in contrast to the chill of the air, and their faces were so close he could feel Deans breath hitting him softly with warm puffs of air.  He found himself studying Deans face, running his thumb down his strong jaw line and over the stiff stubble, letting himself get lost in those bright green eyes he loved so so much.

“I love you Dean.”  He stated softly, running his thumb over Deans plush lips.  “Always and forever.”  He added in little more than a whisper.  Dean was staring intensely back at him.  Then, without warning Dean leaned in, grabbing the front of Castiels scarf and tugging forward, pulling him into a gentle kiss.

 

 

 

Cass closed his eyes and turned his head slightly to better taste those beautiful lips, resting his hands lightly on the other mans chest.  Dean softly nipped at Castiels lower lip, and Cass opened his mouth slightly to give their tongues room to explore each other.  Dean tasted like whiskey and sugar, with an underlining flavor that was simply his own.

A loud noise of someone clearing there throat angrily cut into their make out session, making them both pull away.  It was an elderly couple sitting a few feet away, giving them disgusted looks.  Cass felt heat rising in his face and his heart rate picked up a bit nervously.  Dean smiled at them, giving them a wave.

 “Lovely night for romancing, don’t ya think?”  He spoke; Cass gave him a wide eyed nervous look.  Then he gasped as Dean grabbed him and full out dipped him like they were dancing, planting another way more passionate kiss to his lips.  He threw his arms around deans neck reflexively, then realizing there was no way in hell Dean would drop him, let his right hand thread through Deans soft hair, smiling into the kiss.

Dean pulled him back up and hugged him closely so all Cass could really see was the front of Deans coat.  He hadn’t seen how the couple reacted, but he didn’t care anymore.  He leaned against him and breathed deeply, taking in the smell of leather and warmth.

“Hey.”  Dean spoke, making his chest vibrate.  “I wanna show you something.”  Cass followed him to the river, where across the water you could see the tall buildings of New Jersey.  There reflection of the buildings a perfect mirror image in the ice covering the surface of the water.  It was a beautiful display, almost magical, making Cass’s breath catch in his throat.  The snow had stopped, and the air was clear and crisp.  Cass looked up to the heavens at the millions of stars littering the sky.

“You know I’ve always wondered what it would be like to just stretch out my arms and soar into the sky.”  He thought out loud.  Then added hastily “stupid, I know.” 

“That’s far from stupid Cass.”  Dean replied.  Castiel looked down with a shy smile.  “But you won’t catch me up there with ya; sorry.”  Cass looked at him.

“What; is the fearless Dean Winchester afraid of heights?” 

“No, I just don’t like the idea of flying, that’s all.   Too many things could go wrong.  It’s a totally understandable worry.”  Cass laughed. 

“Whatever you dork.”  They stood there for a few minutes, leaning into each other and just breathing. 

“You ever danced before Cass?”  Dean spoke; Cass looked at him in surprise.

“Dance?  Uh, a little.  I took a class in high school once..”  Then Dean grabbed his waist with his left hand and entwined their fingers in his right, holding their arms up in a dancing position.  Cass’s heart raced; their hips were so close he could feel the heat coming off of the other man.  They danced slowly, going to the beat of their own music.  Cass leaned his head over Deans chest to listen to his heart; reveling in the complete serenity of the moment.  Then Dean began to sing soft and low.

 

Tonight, the sky above, reminds me of you love

Walking through winter time, where the stars all shine.

The angel on the stairs

Will tell you I was there

Under the front porch light, on a mystery night.

 

Castiel closed his eyes; he felt that Deans voice was going to lull him to sleep.  He never wanted this moment to end.

 

The neon lights in bars

And headlights from the cars

Have started a symphony

Inside of me

The things I left behind

Have melted in my mind

And now there’s purity

Inside of me.

 

All the sudden it was all worth it.  All the grief and sorrow he had put up with; leaving his family, getting mugged and then kicked out of his apt., dealing with his Aunt.  None of it mattered anymore.  All that mattered was the beating of his love’s heart.  Slow and steady, a rock he could hold onto in a world of hurricanes.  He had a feeling that their troubles were far from over, but for now he was content to stand here in Deans arms; encompassed by his love and strength.  Surely whatever lay in store for them, as long as they were together they could face and conquer.

***

The next night came all too quick, and before he knew it he found himself standing backstage waiting for his turn to play.  He had warmed up and even went over the song one more time, and now he stood in the dim lighting of the green room staring at the screen that showed the current player on stage.  He tugged at his bow tie, cursing the tightness of the tux he wore.  As he sat in silence, the air around him seeming to crackle with anticipation, he almost jumped out of his skin as the door opened and Claire and Charlie came in.

“Hey, just wanted to wish you luck, we know that you’re going to do great!”  Charlie exclaimed, rushing over to him and attacking him with a hug.

“Are you guys supposed to be back here?”  Cass asked, just noticing how dry his mouth was.  Claire put her finger to her lips.

“Shhhh.”  She winked.

“We knew that you would be freaking out, so we figured it was worth risking getting caught to come reassure you that you’re the best musician to happen since Beethoven.”  Charlie spoke. 

Tears sprung to Cass’s eyes and he had to try hard to push them back as he hugged both of them once more.  “Thank you.”  He murmured gratefully.

The distant sound of applause sounded as the current performer got done.  One more and then it was his turn. 

“Okay, we’re gonna head now, but we’ll be in the audience cheering you on.  Dean is here too, right?”  Claire asked.

Cass nodded. 

“Good, then you know we’ve all got your back.”  Claire continued.

“Break a leg Beethoven.”  Charlie said, patting him on the shoulder.  Cass nodded, suddenly unable to speak.  Picking up his cello, he followed them out and stood in the deep darkness behind the curtain, waiting for his turn to go on stage. 

This was it.  The whole reason he had come to New York, everything he had sacrificed led up to this moment.  If he bombed it…no, he wouldn’t.  Everything would be fine.  The performer before him was nearing the end of their piece and he sighed deeply, clutching at his cello as if his life depended on it.  He’d practiced this a million times, he would be fine.  As the applause echoed from the direction of the stage, he took a steadying breath and closed his eyes, imagining Dean’s arms around him, strong and firm. 

Then his feet were moving and he was walking onto the stage.  The heat of the lights engulfed him, and he swore the only reason he was still walking was from muscle memory.  He reached the chair in front of the orchestra and bowed to the audience.  He tried to look for Dean, or Charlie and Claire, but the stage lights were blinding.  There was a big black hole where the audience was supposed to be.  He looked at the conductor and fine tuned the cello, tightening the strings on his bow as well.  Then it was time.

He secretly marveled at the heated silence all around him, knowing that he would break that silence in a few seconds as he raised his bow, lowered it, and played.  It was a wonderful start; solid and elegant, not one note out of place.  He gained more and more confidence as the song progressed and he closed his eyes and smiled, tears filling his eyes with gratitude for the reality of what was happening.  He was playing in Carnegie Hall, him.  He opened his eyes and the lights had dimmed, revealing the faces of the crowd before him.  He sought and found Deans face, way in the back and a few tears escaped his eyes.  If it wasn’t for Dean he wouldn’t be here at all.  Hell, he might be dead.  It was all going so well; he was nearing the end now and the part that he had found the most difficult was coming up, but he was no longer scared.  Dean was there, he could do anything as long as Dean was by his side. 

Then he happened to glance at the audience again and there, standing in the very back of the hall was his aunt, Naomi.  _Shit._   He thought as his fingers slid, making the next part a bit sharp.  That made him start to shake, which made the bow slip, which made him forget where he was.  What was next?  What had he even played up to this point?  What was SHE doing here? 

After a “what the Hell” look from the conductor he stopped playing all together, realizing he was just making things worse.  He couldn’t breathe; the lights were choking him, the noise from the instruments behind him stabbed him in the back of the head like knives.  Then everything went deathly silent. He stood up and numbly apologized, then walked off stage.  He barely made it behind the curtain before his legs gave out.  His cello fell from his grasp and crashed at his side, the wood splintering.  One of the strings snapped and a stinging pain appeared across his face, like a kick in the gut.  He knelt, staring at the wood below his knees and watching drops of red from the cut on his cheek drip slowly onto the floor. 

Failed; he had failed.  It was over; they had stopped the song, there was no way of redeeming himself now.  Hands appeared on his shoulders and he could faintly hear his name being called.  Then the hand was on his cheek, wiping at the blood.  The pain pulled him out of it just enough to look up into the eyes of his love. 

“Dean.”  He said brokenly.  “I-failed.”  Then he was pulled against the front of Deans suit. 

“You were amazing Cass.”  He heard Dean whisper.  Then someone else was there.  He couldn’t tell what they were saying but it didn’t take long before Dean was yelling at them.

_Not good._   He thought and pushed himself to his feet.  It was Rowena, one of his professors that had always believed in him from the moment he got here.  He put a hand on Deans shoulder, and he stopped arguing. 

“I’m truly sorry m’am, I failed you.”  He spoke, keeping his eyes on the floor. 

“What happened Mr. Novak?”  She asked.  “I don’t understand, you were the best in my class.”

“I’m just-I’ll-I’m-going now.”  He stuttered, leaning down to pick up his broken cello.  Again, he only got a few steps before collapsing one again.  Dean knelt by him and he clung onto the front of his jacket, sobbing like a child.

*******

               Cass could tell how worried Dean was about how he was acting, but he just couldn’t shake off the shock of what had just happened.  “Are you going to be okay?”  Dean was asking as he sank down on the couch back at the apartment.  He didn’t answer; he couldn’t because he didn’t know.  He let Dean silently doctor up the cut on his face as he thought.  The events of the last hour or so kept playing on repeat in his head.  Had he really seen Naomi at the back of the performance hall, or did he just imagine it?  Why; no how, would she even know where to find him? 

“Babe, talk to me, are you okay?”  Deans worried voice cut through his thoughts.

“M fine.”  He mumbled halfheartedly. Deans warm hands appeared on either side of his face. 

“Hey, it’s not the end, it’s gonna be alright.  Do you believe me?”  He spoke softly.  Cass looked into his eyes and nodded once.  “Good.  Now I promised Benny I’d help him after the concert, so I’m just gonna call him to let him know I won’t be able to come tonight okay?”

“Dean, you don’t have to-“

“Ah ah.”  Dean exclaimed, silencing him with a finger on his lips.  “I want to stay with you tonight.”  Cass was too tired to argue, so he let him dig in his pockets for his phone as he stared at the coffee table in front of him like he was trying to burn a hole through it with his gaze. 

“Shit.”  He heard Dean exclaim, and he tore his gaze away from the coffee table. 

“What is it?” 

“I think I might have left my phone back at the Hall.”  He responded, checking his pockets twice over. 

“Well you better go get it then.”  Cass told him.  Dean heaved a sigh, looking at him with those worried eyes of his. 

“I’ll be fine; I’m not gonna do anything stupid while you’re gone, I promise.”  Cass assured him, feeling a pang of guilt for making his boyfriend worry so much. 

Dean nodded.  “Okay, I’ll be quick.”  He leaned down and kissed him on the head.  “Would you rather come with?” 

Cass shook his head, not wanting to go anywhere near Carnegie Hall right now.  “No, it’s fine; I’ll just wait here.”  Dean nodded again, worry still evident in his gaze.  Then he was gone.

The first thing Cass did was get up and turn off the lights so the only source of light came from the streetlight out the window.  Then he lay down on the couch with a heavy sigh, exhausted in mind and body.  He gazed out the window absently, thinking hard.  He was probably going to have to repeat this school year now.  He had managed to fuck this one up royally.  All because he had imagined that his aunt had flown all the way from Nebraska just to show up at the concert.  The more he thought about it the more ridiculous it seemed. 

Just then there was a knock at the door.  _Probably Benny wondering where Dean is._  He thought about ignoring it, but then decided that he better not.  Pulling himself off the couch took more energy than it should have, and his feet felt like they had weights on them as he drug himself to the door. 

“Hey Benny, Dean left his ph-“ the words died on his lips as the door swung open.

“Hello Castiel.”  Naomi greeted with a cold smile. 


	18. Not All Nightmares Happen When You're Asleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naomi is the stupid assbutt she is; need I say more?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting closer to Christmas, and I can't wait to give the faithful people that are still reading this a wonderful Christmas present! Hang in there through the dark times, you will be rewarded lol.

Cass stared at her disbelievingly, his mouth hanging slightly open.  “It’s not polite to stare dear.”  She spoke; walking passed him into the room.  “Why is it so dark in here?”  She said as she flipped on the lights, gazing around the apartment with a disproving glance.  Cass pulled himself together and shut the door.

“How did you find me?”  He ground out. 

“Honey, I never lost you; you think I would just abandon you like that?” 

“So you’ve been spying on me this whole time?”  Cass asked in horror.

“More or less; I know that you ran out of money fairly quickly and tried to live in your car before-“  She paused as if not sure how to say the next part.  “You’re… boyfriend is letting you stay with him.  That won’t do at all Castiel, it’s wrong on a number of levels.”  Cass sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Look, I don’t know how you kept track of me, but you need to just…stop; just leave me alone.  Disown me, deny my existence for the rest of your life if you have to, but just _leave me alone_.  I’m happy here and I’m not going to come back home.”

“Castiel, I’m just trying to help you, why can’t you see that?  So much pain and heartache could’ve been avoided if you would have just listened in the first place.  There’s a reason that there are rules, it’s to keep you safe.”

“I’ll pass; just please leave.”  Cass pleaded, trying to hold back his tears; he had already cried enough for one evening.  But she was far from done.

“You need to stop being selfish and get over yourself.  You are not the center of the universe and there is a bigger picture here.  You’re not helping anyone, just hurting yourself, not to mention your family.  You couldn’t hold a job or stay in your apartment; you could’ve _died_ Castiel.  And what happened tonight proves everything I’ve been saying.  Have you ever considered that maybe this is God trying to tell you that what you are doing is not right?  That maybe He’s punishing you for breaking one of his most strict commands; that you’re with a man?!”  Cass tried to cut in a few times, but she just wouldn’t stop talking, and before he could stop them the tears came.

“I KNOW!”  He finally yelled.  “I know.”  He sobbed, his voice breaking.  There was a silence. 

“Then you also know that God is forgiving.  Come back home with me and I’ll help you fix everything.”  She said softly.

Cass had always been religious; it was his whole upbringing after all, and he found a big part of him believing what she was saying.  “I told you I’m not coming home.  These passed months have been hell, but I found someone amazing because of it, and I love him.  Maybe you forgot, but God IS love.”  He managed to say it although he wasn’t sure if he believed it.

“And you’re denying His love by being a faggot!  You have choices Castiel, and you’re managing to make all the wrong ones.”  Just then the door opened and Dean appeared.  He stopped short when he saw Naomi. 

“Oh, uh…hi?”  He exclaimed in confusion, his gaze flickering to Cass.  He took in his swollen red eyes and Cass could see him visibly stiffen as he looked back to Naomi.

“What’s going on here; are you from the school too?”  He asked a bit tersely.  The last thing Cass wanted was for Dean to start yelling at his aunt.

“Dean, this is my aunt Naomi.”  He introduced, his heart racing.  “She’s come all the way from Nebraska to grace us with her presence.”  He added dryly. _Did I just say that?_   He thought as Naomi threw him a venomous look.  Dean looked a bit confused but he extended his hand to Naomi anyway.

“Uh, Dean Winchester.” 

“Yes, I know.”  Naomi spoke, shying away from his hand like he had a disease.  She turned back to Cass.

“Castiel, get your stuff; we’re leaving right now.”

Dean’s gaze snapped to him.  “What?”  He asked in alarm.

“I told you I’m not going anywhere.”  Cass explained tiredly.  Naomi sighed, pursing her lips.  She looked only mildly annoyed, but Cass knew better.  She was furious. 

“What I said about God being forgiving is true; but if you go on sinning there’s going to be consequences, some of them disastrous.  You know that, don’t you?  Are you willing to throw away eternal life to-“  She gestured to Dean.  “to chase some sort of sexual fantasy?”  It was too much and Cass found himself burying his face in his hands. 

“Please just stop.”  He begged.  He felt Dean engulf him in his arms, and he could feel him shaking with anger. 

“I think you need to get out of my house.  You’re not welcome here, not if you’re going to spout off bullshit like that.” 

Naomi laughed.  “As if you could order me around.  I’m his aunt, his family; it’s my duty to protect him from devils like you.”  Deans arms disappeared and he removed his hands from his face to see Dean opening the door forcefully.  He could tell he was barely holding himself back from pummeling the woman in front of him. 

“Here’s the door, leave.”  There was a dangerous glint in his eyes, and for a second Naomi looked nervous.  But she quickly recovered and strode up to Dean. 

“I’m not afraid of faggots like you; you’re just a sick in the head pervert, and you will burn in Hell for your actions.”  Then she looked back at Cass.  “I’m not going to let you get deceived.  You WILL come home, one way or another I’ll make sure of it.” 

Cass could see a fuse in Dean break as he spoke his next words.  “I’ll have you know that we haven’t done anything since we’ve been together; maybe if you actually cared for him you would notice how afraid of sexual things he is.  That-“

“DEAN.”  Cass interrupted, his heart hammering in his chest.  Dean forcibly stopped himself from saying anything else, and then spat his next words.

“Get the Hell out of my house.  And don’t you dare come anywhere near Cass again, or you’ll regret it.”  He stated with finality.  With a “humph” she stepped out the door and Dean slammed it shut with such force the whole wall shook.  They both stood in silence for a few seconds before, with an angry yell, Dean punched the wall hard enough to leave a fist sized dent in the dry wall; and making Cass jump.  Dean took a few deep breaths and shook his head, meeting Cass’s gaze.

“Is all your family that much of a joy?”  He attempted to joke.  Cass stared at him, then closed the distance between them quickly, throwing himself into Deans embrace.  “Hey, hey it’s okay; you’re okay.”  Dean whispered, kissing his head and rubbing small circles into his back. 

  [](https://www.flickr.com/photos/150869015@N08/32276745778/in/dateposted/)

 

“You don’t understand, she’s far from done.  She’s gonna do whatever it takes to make sure I go back to Nebraska with her.  Even hurting you; we’d be better off if I just left.”  Cass sobbed into Deans chest.

“No way; not gonna happen.  I’m pretty stubborn myself, remember? So are you; I mean you freaking lived in your car for two weeks in freezing weather to go to school.  Together I’m pretty sure we can handle anything she can dish out.” 

“I don’t want you to get hurt Dean.  I love you too damn much.”  Cass whispered.

“I won’t; you’ll protect me; we’ll protect each other k?  I just wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I let you go.”  Dean spoke.  Cass didn’t quite know what to think anymore.  Sure Dean was stubborn, but when Naomi wanted something, she could be downright deadly.  She could probably find a way to land Dean in prison or something.  He let Dean lead him to the bedroom and they silently undressed and climbed into bed, Dean pulling him close.

“I love you.”  He whispered, kissing Cass gently. 

“I love you to.”  Cass responded with a small smile. 

He lay awake long after Dean had fallen asleep.  There was something scratching at the back of his mind, the religious part of him that always just wanted to do God’s will.  The part of him that was telling him Naomi was right.  That he was being punished for breaking God’s commandments.  That he was being selfish and was going to burn in Hell because of it.  He shivered in Deans arms, snuggling closer and found that he had never feared death more than at this moment. 

He drifted in and out of consciousness for awhile, but his dreams were all middle aged groping hands.  After waking up in a sweat for the second time, he got up to go lay on the couch to see if that would be any different.  Again, it took forever to fall asleep, and it wasn’t until about 3:30am that he finally got to sleep.  But the resulting nightmare made him regret it with his whole being. 

There was fire all around him, but he still could barely see.  He was tied to a post naked, and there was a bunch of kindling at his feet.  He knew what was going to happen before it did.  Naomi appeared, walking through the fire, wearing that disgusting smirk on her face. 

“Hello Castiel; thought I’d pay you a little visit from upstairs.”  She spoke.  “You do know where you are, don’t you?” 

“Hell.”  It was barely a whisper, as panic quickly built inside Cass’s chest; He couldn’t control his breathing and he felt himself losing it when a very distinct sound brought him back to himself. 

“Dean.”  He gasped.  He could hear him screaming, and when he looked to his right, he saw the love of his life also tied up, only he was already on fire. 

“No; Dean, n-no, stop, please no..”  He stuttered; his voice rising as he spoke.  “Naomi please, stop this!”  He screamed, looking back at his aunt.  “Please, put it out!”  He pled, squeezing his eyes shut against Deans anguished screams.  “Please.”  He whispered, tears streaming down his face.

“I wish I could Castiel, I really do; but you brought this on yourself.  You both did, and you know it.”  Naomi said, but Cass just shook his head. 

“Please, do what you want with me; kill me a thousand times if you want, but please, please just let him go.”  He sobbed. 

“Too late, he’s gone; look Castiel.” 

“No.”  He mouthed, shaking his head once again.  Dean was no longer screaming; he didn’t want to look, to see…

“Look what you have done Castiel!”  Naomi commanded, and he felt her hand on his face, forcibly turning his head.  He automatically opened his eyes at the sudden contact and saw.  Dean was dead, his lifeless body slumped and hanging off of the post; but he didn’t look like Dean anymore.  He was more of a bubbly bloody mess, skin melting off everywhere.  And the stench; he thought he was going to pass out at the scorching smell of burnt flesh that was overwhelming him. 

An anguished cry ripped itself out of his throat, and he squeezed his eyes shut again.  Still, Naomi didn’t let go of him.  Her face was not even an inch from his, he could feel her breath on his face.  “You did this to him Castiel; this is your fault, do you hear me?  If you weren’t such a messed up slutty whore neither of you would be in this mess!” 

“But I didn’t…I didn’t do anything…”  He sobbed.

“Oh, you did plenty my child.”  It was no longer Naomi’s voice, but the sickingly familiar voice of the priest, Father Sanchez, that had raped him all those years ago.  It made Cass’s heart skip a beat, and his eyes flew open to stare into his disgusting face.  “We both did, that’s why we’re here; it’s really quite simple.” 

“F-Father.”  Cass stuttered, suddenly wishing that he was already on fire. 

“You have something to confess, don’t you Castiel.”  Cass shuddered at the way he said his name.  His voice was so warm and soft and inviting, like velvet cloth wrapping him up and rubbing everywhere….he hated it. 

“Why.”  Cass managed to get out.  “Why did you do that to me?” 

“I didn’t make you do anything child; you gave me permission.” 

“I didn’t kn..”  The stink of more burnt flesh cut him off, and he looked down to find that somehow the kindling beneath him was ablaze.  It was his own burning skin he had smelled. 

“Ignorance is no excuse.”  The priest was saying.  He lightly put his hand on Cass’s cheek, and pain erupted in his face.  As his hand trailed down his neck and chest, the pain followed it, and he realized that anywhere he was touching was catching on fire.  There was so much pain, and Father Sanchez was making it worse, setting every part of him on fire.  The priest smashed their lips together and he screamed as hot pain erupted in his mouth.  It was everywhere, inside of him, he was melting, falling into eternal pain and torment, and it was all his fault….all his fault…

***

Dean was startled awake by Castiels voice, screaming his name.  He sat up in bed, his alarm quickly growing as he didn’t feel or see Cass next to him in the bed. 

“Cass!?”  He called, jumping out of bed and running to the living room.  He found him on the couch, blanket thrown off of him and drenched in sweat.  He was twitching in his sleep, seemed like he was trying to keep something away from him.  Dean sat beside him on the couch, grabbing his shoulders and gently shaking.

“Cass, it’s only a dream, wake up.  You’re alright, you’re safe, I promise.”  He muttered.  When Cass still didn’t wake he pulled him gently into his arms, willing him to wake up because his yells were, quite frankly, disturbing.  Hell, it didn’t sound exactly human even.  Finally Cass’s eyes snapped open; Dean felt a pain in his chest at the amount of terror in his blue eyes, swollen with tears.  He stared at Dean for a moment, almost like he didn’t know who he was, and then yelled again, shoving Dean away with such force he thought he might have bruised a rib.  It most certainly knocked the breath out of him, and he slid off the couch with a gasp.  Cass turned his back to the outside of the couch, his body shaking with the force of his sobs. 

“Just….leave…me…alone.”   Were the only words Dean could make out in between his sobs. 

“Cass, you do realize it’s me right; Dean.”  He tried, tentatively putting a hand on Cass’s back.

“Please Father, just please.”  Cass flinched at the touch, and Dean pulled his hand back, everything suddenly making sense.

Getting up, he went to the stereo and turned on a recording of him singing “Simple Man” at one of his concerts.  If anything would be able to snap Cass out of it, he was sure this would.  He went back to the couch and sat down on the floor once again.

“Y’know, not to toot my own horn, but I think I might do this song even better than the original.”  He spoke, smiling a bit. 

It took a minute, but Cass slowly turned around; only hesitating a moment before sliding off the couch himself and into Deans arms, hugging him tightly.  They sat in silence for the remainder of the song, Dean gently rocking back and forth, humming along to the song as Cass’s face was buried in the crook of his neck. 

“You wanna talk about it?”  He asked softly after the song had ended.  He felt Cass’s head shake from side to side.  “You’re drenched babe, you’ll need to get a shower or bath if you don’t want to get sick.”  He added, mainly because he wasn’t sure what else to say. 

“Dean, am I a bad person?”  The question was mumbled, and Dean had to listen hard to hear it. 

“Why do you think you’re a bad person?”  He asked in return.

“Because I’m selfish.”

“Why would you say that?” 

“You know why.  My dad gave everything for me, but I still left him to come here against his wishes.  I even had the gall to use his money to get here.  If that wasn’t enough, now I’m leeching off of you, causing you grief.  All of it, and I threw away a year of schooling anyway; all of it, just gone, because I couldn’t hold my shit together for one concert.  The only thing I’m good at is letting people down.” 

“You’re right about one thing.”  Dean replied.  “It was only one concert.  There will be others Cass; don’t you dare give up on your dream just because of such a minor setback.  If it’s truly what you want, it will be worth everything you’re going through.  You’re not a bad person, okay?  It may seem unfair to your dad, but you were never his to control, and if he doesn’t get that it’s on him, not you.  I think it’s in the guidelines of being a parent or something.”  He said with a small smile.  “As for me, you’ve given me way more than I’ve ever given you, believe me.” 

“What am I gonna do?”  Cass whispered, clutching onto Dean a bit tighter. 

“Well, you just keep going.  You don’t stop being a soldier just because you were wounded in battle you know.”  Dean spoke.

“But my aunt…”

“Is probably going to be a royal pain in the ass; Hell, it sounds like she’s always been like that.  But like I said before, we can deal with her together.  I wouldn’t worry too much about it.” 

“What did I ever do to deserve you?”  Cass asked.

“Eh, just got lucky I guess.”  Dean teased, pressing a kiss to Cass’s damp head.  “You really do need to get out of those clothes though; you’re going to catch a cold.”

Cass sat up slowly.  “I dreamt that I was in Hell.  I was tied to a post, they were going to burn me alive; Naomi was there and then I saw….you were there as well and…Dean I watched you burn to death.”  He was shaking again.  “And Father Sanchez, he was there…he said it was my fault…” 

Dean gently took Cass’s face in his hands.  “Hey, it was just a bad dream, you hear me?  You are totally 100% safe right now; do you believe me?”

Cass nodded.  “We can figure it out?”  He asked; Dean thought that there was enough concern in those eyes to fill all the oceans on Earth. 

“Yup, positive.”  He smiled reassuringly, leaning in and again pressing a kiss to Cass’s forehead.  “You want me to help you get cleaned up?” 

Cass pulled away, muttering a no as he stood up and went into the bathroom.  Dean watched him go with concern, and a bit of disappointment in his face.  He had been able to convince Cass that everything was going to be okay, but truth was, he didn’t really know if he believed it himself.  He hoped that Naomi would leave them alone, and that they could somehow figure out how Cass could keep going to Julliard, if that’s what he truly wanted.  He wanted Cass to just come join his band so badly, but if that’s not what Cass wanted, that’s just that; and he wanted to support his boyfriend in whatever he decided to do.  Running a hand through his hair with a sigh, he got up and went back to the bedroom, hoping to be able to get a few hours of sleep before the sun came up, now that it was almost 5 in the morning.


	19. In Between A Rock And A Hard Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naomi asks Dean to meet her for coffee. She's changed her mind, and while she isn't happy about Cass's decisions, she wants to get to know Dean a bit. Or so she says.

A week went by and all was quiet; if Naomi was planning on doing something she was taking her time.  Cass finally had found a job at a gas station right down the street from the apartment, and they were still figuring out how he was still going to be able to go to school.  The Sunday after the fiasco with the concert and Castiel’s aunt dropping by, Dean awoke to Led Zepplin’s “Stairway to Heaven” ringing from his phone on the nightstand and groped blindly for it for a few seconds before actually finding it.  It was almost 11am, and Cass was long gone to work.  

“Hello?”  He muttered groggily, putting the phone to the ear that wasn’t smashed into the pillow. 

“Hello, is this Dean Winchester?”  A woman’s voice asked.  It seemed familiar somehow, but he couldn’t quite place how he knew it. 

“This is he; can I ask whose calling?”  He spoke more steadily, sitting up and leaning against the headboard.

“This is Naomi Robinson, Castiel’s aunt; I’m sure you remember me.” 

Dean rubbed his eyes; how could he forget?  “How did you get my number?” 

“Castiel gave it to me; hasn’t he talked to you?” 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, and Cass wouldn’t give you my number; he hates you, and for good reason.”  Dean growled.

“Look, I’m sorry for how I acted that night, I was just worried about him; I can’t help it, he’s like a son to me.  I still don’t think that what you two are doing is right, but that’s not really for me to decide. It’s his life, not mine after all.” 

“Still doesn’t explain why he would give you my number.”  Dean cut in; half tempted to just hang up on her right now.  “And I thought I told you to stay away from him?” 

“Please just hear me out.  I know I was being a bitch okay?  And I apologize for that.  I want to make it up to you guys, I want to be a part of Castiels life, and that means getting to know and accept you Dean.”

“Well, no offense, but I don’t really want to get to know you.”  Dean spoke truthfully. 

“I know, and I don’t blame you.  Will you just consider meeting me for coffee?  Just so I can talk to you and explain things a bit more?”

Why hadn’t Cass talked to him about this?  Although he wasn’t that surprised, Cass could be pretty secretive when it came to his family.  He could see him getting caught up in his work or music and totally forgetting to tell him that his aunt had changed her mind and wanted to be his friend now; still, the whole thing seeming wrong to him.

“Look, I’m happy that you’re willing to accept the choices that Cass has made, but I would rather not meet with you.”  He replied after a minute of intense thought.

“I understand Dean, and I’m not asking you to be my new best friend. Let’s just get some coffee or brunch; all I’m asking is half an hour here; you can’t blame me for wanting to know a bit about the guy my nephew is dating.” 

Dean sighed in exasperation; she was right, and it would be rude of him to turn her down.  “Alright; you wanna make it today?  I’m free anytime before 7.”  He said, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible. 

“How about we meet at Panera’s in an hour?”  Naomi suggested.

“Sounds like a plan; see ya.”  He hung up, still not sure about all of this.  He sat there for a minute before dialing Cass’s number, but he didn’t answer.  Not surprising as he was working right now.  _Stop being so paranoid and just go._   He thought to himself, getting up and pulling some decent looking clothes on.  Even if she was lying and she hadn’t talked to Cass and still hated his guts, it was just coffee, what in the world could she do? 

***

“Thank you for meeting with me.”  Naomi greeting with what Dean thought looked like a very forced smile.  True to her word, he had found her waiting for him, sitting at a table in Panera’s sipping some coffee.  He grudgingly shook her hand and sat down opposite her.  As soon as he had sat down a waitress appeared with another cup of coffee, setting it down in front of him.

“Naw, I’m good.”  He spoke with a polite smile to the waitress.

“Nonsense, it’s on me today.”  Naomi spoke up.  Dean thought of turning it away anyway, but decided it wasn’t worth the trouble and took a small sip, eyeing the woman in front of him carefully. 

There was a tense silence before Naomi cleared her throat. 

“So Dean, may I ask your last name?” 

“Winchester.”  Dean spoke after a slight hesitation.

“Ah; and how long have you lived here in New York Mr. Winchester?” 

“I really don’t see how that should be any of your business ma’m.  After seeing how much Cass hates you don’t blame me for being cautious.” 

Naomi nodded grimly before staring down at her cup.  “Yes, I will admit that I have made mistakes in the past, but I was doing what I believed to be right for the boy.  You see, Castiels mother died when he was very young, leaving his father with such a large family to take care of.  How could I not step in and help him out?  Everyone needs a mothers touch; I was just trying to provide that for Castiel and his siblings.”

Dean huffed a laugh.  “I don’t know, the way Cass put it, it sounded like you were just trying to make more of a name for yourself.  You’re divorced, right?  Cass said his uncle left you because you were, in his uncles words, a Narcissist.  So the way I see it, you couldn’t stand being alone and not being worshipped, so you decided to butt in on a perfectly good household and tear everything apart.” 

Naomi fixed him with a stern glare.  “Young man, that is quite a lot of presumptuous poppycock you just told.  I don’t tell people this lightly and when you hear you’ll know why, but I am not capable of having children.  My husband left me because he couldn’t stand the idea of not having kids.  Castiel was 6 years old when I moved in with his father; of course he was going to see me as a threat and an enemy.  His mom had died and then this stranger moved in and, I’m sure he saw it this way, try to take over his mothers place in the family.  That’s how children think.  But I was broken.  I had nothing, and I was trying to regain a sense of normalcy by moving in with my brother.  Turns out I found myself in caring for those sweet children of his.  I only ever have, and ever will, want the best for Castiel, and if I may speak my opinion, I can’t see him living up to his full potential staying here with you.”

Dean contemplated his next words, taking another sip of coffee.  He wasn’t sure if he believed her story or not.  Cass had never told him that she couldn’t have kids, but that was kind of a personal thing to tell someone without a really good reason. 

“I’m sorry to hear that ma’m, and I’m sorry I spoke so bluntly.  Can I ask a question?”

“After I ask one of my own if you don’t mind.  What do you do for employment?  If Castiel does end up staying with you I want to know that he won’t end up living in his car again.” 

“I write music.”  Dean answered shortly.  Naomi scoffed.

“Of course, why am I not surprised.”

“You don’t think music is a good career, I know.  But it’s kept a roof over my head so far, and my band is only gaining in popularity.  Honestly I think if your nephew were to join we could really take off; maybe even be known worldwide.  I’ve never seen anyone more skilled with an instrument, and he has more passion for his music than most people have in their left pinky.  Even if I can’t make a name for myself, he’ll be fine.”

“I’m not saying that he wouldn’t be able to be successful with his music, I’m simply saying that music is not a stable career path.  It rises and falls in popularity, and even if you’re doing well with it now, it doesn’t mean that you will be in 15-20 years.” 

Dean had to bite back a retort to that; there was no use arguing with this woman, she was too set in her ways. 

“My turn; you and your brother have always been Roman Catholic, correct?”

“That is correct, yes.”

“That’s obviously the biggest reason that you don’t want me and Cass to be together and that’s your choice to think; but Cass has a choice as well.  This isn’t my place to say, but I know that he has been traumatized by your religion, and I would greatly appreciate it if you don’t bring it up when you’re around him.”

“You really have no right to tell me what I can and can’t say in front of my nephew Dean.  He only hates the subject so much because he knows deep down that what he is doing is wrong.  That’s the truth of it, no matter what you might say.  I said it, and I’ll say it again, I’m only trying to do what’s best for him; and if you really did love him like you say you do, you would tell him to come home with me.” 

“Alright, I think we’re done here.”  Dean spoke, getting up to throw away his still half full cup.

“Dean wait, I’m sorry.”  Naomi spoke, getting up to follow him.  “I told you I just wanted to talk and I know that I stepped out of line with what I said.” 

“It doesn’t matter.  Sure, you think you’re doing the right thing, great; but please just leave us both alone from now on.  Go back to Nebraska and focus on the people who do want you to be in their lives.”

“Okay I get it, I’ll go; but could I give you something to give to Castiel first?  It’s in my car; I brought it in case things did end up this way, a goodbye gift so to speak.  Of course if you want to leave now I can drop it by later?” 

Dean stopped with a sigh.  “Alright, where’d you park?”

He grudgingly followed her to her car, eager to leave and never have to see this woman again.  He had no idea how Cass dealt with her all his life.  He waited while she went around the other side and opened the back door to the car.  To his astonishment, she appeared a minute later with half her clothes off; looked like she had ripped them right off of her. 

“What are-“  Dean started to say but didn’t get the chance to finish as all the sudden he was being drug to the ground on top of Naomi as she started to scream at the top of her lungs.  It took him a second to realize what she was trying to do.  He struggled to get away, but she had a death grip on his arms.  He heard shouts from behind, and then he was being pulled to his feet by two men.  Before he could say anything one of the guys fist was sinking deep into his face and the world blacked out for a few seconds. 

“Wait, I-I-“  He stammered, trying to regain his bearings.  Naomi climbed to her feet, actual tears in her eyes, staring at him in open mouthed horror.  _Actress of the century._   He thought. 

“Don’t you move mister, or you’ll regret it.”  One of the men spoke as he pulled out his phone. 

“You don’t understand, I wasn’t doing anything, she was the one…”  but he trailed off as he realized that no one in their right mind was going to believe that she had set him up.  He threw a glare at Naomi, who winked at him.  _She was planning this all along._   He realized.Then it all started to come together.  The man who had punched him in the face was calling the cops.  She would press charges against him, he would go to jail, and then Cass would have no choice but to go back home with her.  _Shit._ He swore internally.  There was nothing he could do; no one would believe him, she had won. 

***

Cass had decided to pick up some Chinese on the way home from work tonight.  He knew Dean had been rehearsing and probably hadn’t eaten all day, so he had picked up his favorite, general Tsao Chicken with lo mein noodles.  Unlocking the door, he was surprised to find all of the lights off except in the living room.  “Dean, I’m home!  I picked up some dinner as well.”  He called, turning on the kitchen light and setting the sack on the counter. 

“Hello Castiel.”  The female voice made him visibly flinch as he spun around to find none other than Naomi standing in the doorway to the living room.  She had on her usual grey business suit and brown hair tied up in a bun.

“How the Hell did you get in here!?”  He asked in shock. 

“Watch you’re language; and the door was unlocked.  You really should be more careful about that in the future.” 

“What are you doing here, I thought we told you to stay away from us; and where is Dean?”

“Well, at this moment he’s at the station.”  Naomi replied.

“Station?  You mean police station?”  Cass asked, his heart hammering in his chest. 

“Is he okay, is he-“  He trailed off as he saw a smile spread across his aunts lips.  All of his timidness and fear he had for the woman in front of him disappeared at that moment, and striding up to her, he grabbed on to the front of her shirt, yanking her close to his face.  “What did you do?”  He growled, every word dripping with venom.

“All I did was ask him if would meet me for lunch so we could come to an understanding.  Agree to disagree, so to speak.  He was the one who viciously tried to molest me by my car.”  Naomi explained, still with that disgusting smile on her face. 

Cass pushed her away roughly, shaking with anger.  “That’s low Naomi, even for you.”  He couldn’t believe it; she had actually framed Dean, and he knew exactly why before she even said it.

“What’s low is that he would try to molest me like he did, absolutely disgusting don’t you think?  He might be facing up to 10 years in prison for that.  Of course, I _could_ waive the charges against him…”  She spoke, examining her nails.

“If I were to go back home with you.”  Cass finished for her, sinking down onto one of the kitchen chairs.  Suddenly his legs felt like jelly. 

“Exactly.”  Naomi spoke happily.

Cass put his head in his hands, trying to calm his racing heart.  He should have known, whenever Naomi put her mind to something nothing could stop her.  She always got what she wanted in the end.  Standing up, he grabbed his keys off of the counter and strode to the door.

“Where are you going?”  Naomi asked.

“I need to see Dean.”  He answered tersely.

“They’re not going to let you see him; don’t you know anything about the legal system?”

Cass’s hand froze on the doorknob.  She was right, he had been in such a daze he hadn’t thought of that.  Just then his phone started to ring, making him jump once again.  He didn’t recognize the number, but he thought he might know who it would be.

“Hey Cass.”  Deans voice sounded from the other line, and Cass had to fight hard to keep his emotions in check. 

“Dean, I’m so sorry.”  He murmured, leaning his head against the door.

“It’s not your fault.  Let me see if I can guess, you’re aunt is only gonna waive the charges against me if you go home with her, right?” 

Despite his best efforts, a choked sob escaped him.  “Yes.” 

“Hey, deep breaths; we’ll figure this out.  There must be some way we can prove that she framed me.  I bet it happens all the time.” 

“Dean, I can’t-I can’t let you stay in prison because of me.  There’s no guarantee that we could figure something out in time.” 

“I told you this is not your fault, this is your bitch of an aunts fault.  And I’m begging you, don’t go back with her.  That’s like sending yourself to prison for the rest of your life, and I can’t let you do that.” 

His voice was so desperate, but Cass didn’t know what else to do.  The quickest and most sure way for him to ensure Deans freedom would be to comply with Naomi’s wishes.  How selfish would he be if he didn’t do that?  He took a minute to make sure he had control over his emotions before responding.

“I love you Dean, and I know that you’re band is going to be a big hit.  You need to forget about me, maybe you could find Anna again and work things out.  These past few months have been wonderful, thank you for everything you’ve done for me, but I need to face reality now and go back home.” 

“Cass-please.”  Deans almost strangled voice made his heart ache like no other, but this is what he needed to do. 

“Goodbye Dean.”  He almost whispered before hanging up.  Turning to Naomi he fixed her with a blank expression.  “You win, drop the charges and I’ll go back with you.  Even go to medical school just like you wanted.” 

“I’m not stupid Castiel; you need to give me your word that you’ll never contact this boy again.  No more unrealistic fantasies, no more make believe games.  You need to start being a responsible adult.”

“You don’t need to worry, I won’t be talking to him again, ever.”  It was at that point that he couldn’t take it anymore and dropped to his knees, sobbing uncontrollably. 

“Oh honey, I’m so sorry it took something like this to get you to see, I really truly am sorry.”  Naomi was saying; he could feel her arms around him.  The feeling, although awful, was familiar, and he found himself leaning in to her embrace.  At the same time he did that, he leaned back in to everything that he had believed growing up, and he believed in that moment that he really was a prodigal child being punished by God for what he was doing.

“I just- I wanted it so bad; I wanted it to be right so much.”  He spoke in between sobs.  “But no matter how hard I tried, it just-wouldn’t-work.” 

“I know honey, I know.”  Naomi murmured, stroking his hair lightly.  “It will get better, you’ll see.  God is smiling at you right now; you’ve finally seen it, and He will reward your efforts to do the right thing.” 

After a few minutes Cass was finally able to get control of himself.  “Can I- can I see him one last time?  He won’t understand, I need to explain.”  She didn’t look happy, but to his relief nodded. 

“Meet me at the Gas n Sip outside of the city tomorrow at 3.  I’ll drop the charges, but only if you give your word that you’ll show up.” 

“I will, I promise.” 

“If you don’t, I’ll be forced to take more drastic measures, you know that?” 

Cass nodded; he knew.

**Author's Note:**

> Please Review!


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